This is a weird one - we’ve been having great sex for 6 months. She cums in missionary position and I can make her come twice in one session - I always wanted to make sure she came first before I did. 2 weeks ago I was going through a stressful time with my ex-wife and went soft in that position and suddenly felt all this pressure to please her and perform. It happened the next time, and ever since I think it has created an anchor in my head. I have just gone soft every time we get into that position. So weird!! It’s like it’s become a visual trigger. Literally my anxiety goes through the roof and my heart races. We calm down and then go at it again after a few minutes. In other positions I’m 90% ok, but as soon as going to missionary I go soft!
Do the “Reprogram negative thoughts” exercise.
It sounds like your emotional-brain is louder than your rational-brain on this. Your emotional brain is telling you it’s gonna keep happening, and you’re worried about a spiral.
The “Reprogram negative thoughts” exercise will help your rational brain dispel the distorted thinking causing you worry. Also do the 3:1 positive thought to negative thought exercise whenever you ruminate on this during the day.
As always, when in doubt speak it out loud and communicate what’s inside of you to your partner.