I’ve just started trying this stuff out and have been mainly interested in the “getting out of your head” stuff. It all seems to very much focus on worrying about not performing though which isn’t really my issue.
I feel like I have a pretty logical/analytical mind and sometimes struggle to just be in the moment as I’m too busy overthinking about what I’m doing, what I should try etc etc but not necessarily “is it all going wrong” kind of thing. More just an inner monologue rather than an inner critic. Anyone else like this? If so, what have you found that helped?
I think I am in the same place as you. The inner critic/inner coach idea is just not resonating. There is no inner voice being negative.
I find it very easy to be “in the moment” during foreplay, but when it comes time for penetration my brain gets distracted by positioning and getting comfortable. It’s like the analytical portion of my brain has been activated and it wants to focus on problem solving.
No answers yet. I am fortunate that my partner likes like watch porn with me from time to time. That typically keeps my brain in “dumb horny guy” mode. But that is not something I want to rely on.
Absolutely understand your position. My experience is very similar.
That’s exactly the issue I’m having, very interested to see what others say
I have that type of mind as well. My “solution” tends to come when I’m sort of sleepy. Either just after waking up or when you start entering the delirious hours at night.
It’s like sleepy brain doesn’t have the energy to think hard about anything. But it’s still up for something. It’s also when my jokes tend to be funnier.
Not the best solution that I want to rely on. So still curious for more responses.
I thought about introducing porn to my sexual meets, but the first comment on this thread reassured me that this would only be a temporary solution. I would love to feel relaxed and in the moment. Would love to hear any techniques you might have found helpful!
Performance anxiety in a threesome is terrifying. Would not recommend.
I feel like I am similar. However, your brain might be thinking other things as you want to avoid sex as you are not going to satisfy her anyway. I feel like this is somewhat true in my case. I am sticking with the app subscription and see how it helps me further down the road.
Been 4 months now of being unable to get in the mood after 1 or 2 hicups. Lost the excitement of looking forward to intimacy as I used to always have. This was only an issue approx 14 years ago when trying to start a family and it took longer than expected so you then focus on dates etc to be in the mood rather than more natural
Was with my wife for 10 years . Never problem getting it up and climaxing from fore play or sex but we broke up in December . I met someone new and I can’t climax with sex alone I have to do it myself or with fore play but the sex is great but little voice is preventing me from climaxing which is odd to me . I’m sure I am pleasing her but not being able to climax during sex is frustrating . Perhaps it’s because I have been with someone for a long time , something new feels alien and I get in my head thinking “I want to cum “ but it’s not happening .
I think I have a v similar issue to you. One thing I’ve found quite useful is fantasising whenever I feel like I’m overthinking or not being in the moment. I find it difficult to empty my mind so this works well as it keeps my brain busy and horny when it’s not in the moment
Same here. I am always in my head, always been. Most of times is wondering about problems or solutions. During sex is more like: ok this should be the drill, you first go for this then that, do not rush etcetc
With me it’s not that there’s a voice telling me negative things in the moment, it’s more just feeling disconnected from my body and the inner monologue trying to figure it out. One thing you can try that’s sort of helped me (still working on it) is meditating to focus on your bodily sensations and redirect the brain to strengthen the neural connections to the body. One solution may be to work with your partner on having sessions where you focus on touch without sex to reduce pressure at first and then include sex later. Granted if your partner is willing.
Interesting. Maybe I’ll give that a go, although I do find that as soon as I have that self awareness of thinking “what am I doing, what should I do next…etc” it’s difficult to get back out of it, even if there is a plan of “try to fantasise about…” or something. Can’t hurt to try it though.
This issue comes and goes. What triggers it is unknown. I can have a really great month on no issues then bam it tearing it ugly head again. Hope to squash the critic for good this time with mojo app
For me, ive only been aroused physically by kissing…
When the kissing gets intense, i feel like i cant feel my thighs pelvic area, abdomen. My hands and neck as well.
I only feel tingling, almost numbing.
When things go further after kissing, it only gets worse.
Even as I type, I can feel the tingling on my body.
Am I the only one?
I really cant feel any true sensation from the other person which makes it very difficult to stay hard.
I think to much my mind is somewhere else or either just thinking if I can perform or not & try to rely on past sexual encounters also
I wonder if self-sabotage is a more helpful frame than inner critic. I can see how what you’re describing doesn’t seem to fit with inner critic. I also wonder if the “inner critic” is more of the the “inner analyst/perfectionist.” Either way, it’s still the inner dialogue that gets in the way and sabotages.
I was raised with pretty intense religious trauma. Sex was a bad thing. A sin. And I was always hard so constantly thought I was going to burn in hell. Around 35 I started having erection issues and now I’m 41 and I have to use pills all the time. Sometimes I can’t get hard at all without pills. Very discouraged.
Yes, I’ve struggled with this as well. I’d say what has worked for me is to actually “force” my head into having to think about things in the moment because there is no choice in not doing so. This has involved experimenting more in creating sexy scenarios and role play (and often pushing boundaries into BDSM kink). It was a game-changer as it has allowed me to get outside myself and have more fun with it. Of course, it does require a willing partner but I’ve found more than not that woman desire this kind of kink and in fact struggle with many men not wanting to embrace both their masculine and creative side. It takes a little effort and info-sharing at first (which can also, or at least should, be a part of the new sexy process) but it’s amazing once both of you open yourself up and communicate unapologetically on what turns you on. Toys are also wonderful because you always know that if for some reason you’re tired or whatever, you have awesome ways to turn her on that don’t need your penis. And with that pressure off, I’d say almost every time I used a toy or prop, hearing and seeing her writhing in pleasure ultimately led to my unavoidable erection. Since she’s bound to have already had an orgasm or two… or three… the pressure is completely off once I penetrate her, and I have little anxiety now as to whether I’ll stay hard or whether or not I’ll cum in a timely manner or even at all. This is all still very recent (last 8 months), but it’s exciting to be able to open up something new at now 51yo. Of course, helps to eat well, exercise, get sleep, don’t drink too much (especially before) but we all should already no this, so just offering another tactic if it’s in the realm of your own interest and possibilities.