So I know my issue isn’t physical because
- Solo things are grear
- When I hold my wife instant
- When I see her naked instant
- Fantasize Instant
For some reason, when were about to have sex I get in my head, the anxiety starts and this critic comes in and says its not going to work, didnt work last time. Its very sporadic when this happens but frustrating. Today, were hugging im rubbing her back kissing her neck and thinhs are working cause she felt me and it got her going. We went to have sex in shower and my thoughts immediately went to it didnt work in here last time and just ruined the moment. WTF?
However, when I please her everything goes away and then able to have sex. Sometimes I know I and she just want to just have a quickie or something but you worrybthat its going to happen again. Has anyone had success with this site? This happen to anyone else?
Well if you don’t like shower sex, don’t do it there, for me it’s way less friction in the shower. Communicate that with your partner, if she really enjoys standup sex, try it somewhere else. You want to surround yourself with the best possibilities for success, and not getting in your head. It also means focus on your pleasure what do you like…done TO YOU either by yourself or with your partner. Mindful masturbation and the meditation helped me. One to focus on my pleasure and what I liked because generally I was the giver in my sexual relationship, and meditation to help me calm myself. Focusing on my breath and learning how much I like nipple play got me over my hump. Of course my partner working with me after communicating to her what made me feel good. We’ve been together 5 years, had some issues during a stressful time in the beginning, but started again during our 4th month try at getting preggers. The meditation helped me calm my nerves (get out of my head, focus on the pleasure. I focus on my breath and count 1-2, mindful masturbation helped me know pleasure zones I’ve been ignoring; nipples. I knew I liked nipple play, but not to the extent I really did. I or my wife pinches or play with my nipples I feel it in my penis (keeps me very hard, and I feel amazing, sexy turned on etc). We didn’t just jump into it, we started with a HJ when I was still nervous, but I focused on my breath when I felt the nerves coming, so I didn’t lose the erection. When it started taking long to cum, I pinched my nipples and boom. The next time my wife and tried intercourse. I told her I really like my nipples pinched…hard. it took some more encouragement during, but once she saw it working (I was very hard and having fun, so was she), she got over her nerves and really went for it. Afterwards I thanked her, reassured her how great it was. She said, “I didn’t realize how much you liked pain” (not in a bad way) and that’s my fault I didn’t know and I didn’t communicate it. She even came up with some other suggestions to try. It brought fun excitement back into the bedroom not anxiety and fear.
I’ve heard many guys talk about this voice in their heads after a “failure.” There’s a series of recorded therapy sessions called “Conquering Performance Anxiety” in the Mojo program (under Explore) that may be helpful, as well as the whole learning unit about performance anxiety. It sounds like you’ve got a health erection and you’re getting turned on, but you may just need to learn how to quiet that annoying voice of doubt. Maybe focusing on your own pleasure could also be helpful, as @marvellous-emerald-krill mentioned.