Hi everyone,
I just started this app and Iām having a new girlfriend whoās coming over to stay for a few days. Iāve been dealing with performance anxiety for the past year. My last relationship ended about 5 months ago. We had a lot of failed attempts during the year we were together. It kept getting worse and worse each time. I would fear going over to her place because I would think about it so much. I canāt seem to get it out of my head.
I started seeing this amazing beautiful girl a few months ago. We really clicked! I soon learned that sheās a professional Dominatrix. Sheās not a sex worker. Sheās never dated any of her clients. Now sheās coming over tonight to stay for 2 days and next week weāre gonna take a 4 day vacation. Tonight she said she would like to have sex. How can I not freak out thinking about this? I really need to get out of my head. I havenāt had any issues whatsoever when weāre laying in bed together or just lounging around. Iām completely hard.
I could really use a few tips or suggestions on what resources I can use today to help me relax a bit and enjoy being together. I know itās all in my head but if anyone has any suggestions, it would really help me make this a success. And thatās what I need. I need a few good nights to help me with my confidence! Thank you in advance!!!
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Since this is last minute stuff the big thing would be to not worry and spiral if you donāt get an erection right away. Focus on and truly enjoy as many things as you can that arenāt the always changing state of your penis. I could be clueless because itās not my thing, but if sheās a dominatrix then thereās probably some juice to be squeezed with the whole non-erection thing if it does happen. I guess the big thing is the best way to get out of your head is to enjoy sex however it expresses itself. I would think if anyone gets that it would a person in that culture of dominatrix, etc.
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What if you told her your situation? You could say something like āIām really into you and think youāre sexy. Iāve been dealing with sexual anxiety and when that happens, my penis doesnāt act like I want it to. Iām looking forward to enjoying this time with you and want you to know that if I donāt get hard, itās not because Iām not attracted to you. Iām just in my head a bitā. Being open, honest, and saying it confidently to the right person for you will make it a positive experience.
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Thank you for your reply!!! Iām lucky that we have had a good amount of deep conversations. This was a topic I had to discuss with her a few weeks ago. I explained how I start to get into my head and then things donāt play out when it happens. She has a PhD in psychology and she is very good with being open about it. I explained to her how much I beat myself up over it the last year. Sheās used to seeing other men not get hard. Sheās told me after we talked that when we were snuggling, she could feel how hard I was. I knew we werenāt going to have sex, so I didnāt have the pressure of getting hard. When Iām around her, I have been better than I was with my ex. She was saying a few times this week that I have to F her tonight and I told her I donāt need the extra pressure. She seems very understanding. But at the same time, I donāt want a first failed attempt to start the loop with her. Sheās probably the most attractive girl Iāve been with and the fact sheās a dominatrix has me very excited and nervous at the same time. Iāve had to use Trimix injections before. They were always something I would hide. Not her. We talked about it and she keeps saying how interested she is in doing the injection to me. She does things like this to some of her clients but not with anything in the syringe. I guess itās a kink for some but itās a kink for her. I might have her do it tonight, just to take the pressure off. But I donāt think I need it. I just need to stop worrying about it. Thank you so much for your help!!
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Wow! Thanks for this!! I started thinking that maybe sheās the best person for me right now. She is a professional at turning men on. She knows more about sex and how to get a man turned on. I just want to enjoy the foreplay, feel her body and enjoy what she has to offer. She said that she has never been in a relationship with anyone whoās into BDSM and sheās always wanted to enjoy it with her partner but she said that they are all afraid of it. I think it might be good for the both of us if we can make this work. She might be the one who will give me a few good runs and after I have had 4-5 times in a row without any problems, I am fine. Itās very intimidating to say the least. I mean, she has seen everything and everyone would die to be in my situation. And I know that. I just really need to chill out because if Iām the way I am right now, itās not going to be good. And I know itās very last minute to be asking for help the same day. So thank you for your insight!! Iām keeping my fingers crossed that it will be fine. Regardless, we can do whatever and if it doesnāt work, Iāll keep going and make sure that she gets the attention she deserves because sheās the one who is always doing it for someone else. I know what Iām good at! So I can make the best of it regardless. I just need to keep telling myself that!! Easier said than doneā¦
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Wow!
Intense situation!!
Yes Iād give a lot to be in your shoes!
I think youāve got it right.
Is she looking to play with you or have ācouplesā sex?
Is there a medical need for timix? Do you get hard solo?
Lots of porn??
Good luck brother!!
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Good luck, man! It sounds like youāve got this and have deeper insights than most. Enjoy this gift that the universe has given you and all the unexpected ways it may play out!
Itās definitely a new thing for me. But weāre both new at this. Sheās never dated anyone who is into BDSM and Iāve never been with someone that is a Dominatrix. But sheās very in tune with her sexuality and so am I. Regarding the Trimix, I went through a doctor who prescribed me anabolic steroids. I thought that going through a doctor would be safe. Not the case. The amount of steroids that they had me was absolutely insane. I started having problems after a few months and switched doctors and they had me on a strong PCT. Iām still recovering but for about a year, nothing was happening down there. Needless to say, it destroyed my confidence! I would avoid having sex because I knew what was going to happen. That year of having no libido and no erections was devastating to my ego. Then it became all I would think about. They had to give me Trimix. Iāve definitely been getting better. Last night I took cialis and viagra combo from a compound pharmacy and had no issues with getting an erection. The Trimix is always there so that helps with my anxiety knowing that I can use it. And sheās dying to do it to me. Completely strange. But I think this will be fun as long as I donāt have issues getting hard. I still have days where my dick isnāt connected to my brain but things are slowing improving but Iām no where near where I was about a year ago. This is definitely a physiological issue for me. I need to get back to enjoying it, instead of fearing it. I canāt wait until I can get to that point again! When you donāt even think about that. We all can do this as long as we learn to not overthink things. Thanks for your post bty!!
Sheās looking for a serious relationship. Not to just hook up. Sheās dated some really bad guys and sheās not used to this. A few months ago I would never thought she would want to be together with me in a serious relationship but weāre both just going with the flow and itās been a lot of fun so far!
If sheās pro- moving forward- how do you feel about her domming other guys?
I get the allure of being with a dom and a woman into kinks, but Iām not sure Iām up for sharing my girlā¦
Make sure you keep us updated!!
Iām totally fine with her profession. She doesnāt do anything sexual with anyone. I normally would have an issue about that but I met her after sheās been a professional Dominatrix. 15 years she has been doing this. Since weāve started getting serious, sheās mentioned that she doesnāt enjoy it and wishes she was with me instead. She said that since we have been together, sheās been having trouble doing sessions. I donāt know what itās called but she has clients that are into watching her get banged by her āBullā another name for her man. She has never done that before because she has never had anyone to do it with. Now she wants me to be involved with those sessions and weād both make over 3k to have sex. So it really doesnāt bother me if that answers your question. Sheās actually in the middle of a session right now. She wants me to take her to her dungeon and pick her up. She stays on the phone with me before she starts and calls me right after. I mentioned that I donāt give second chances if someone was to cheat on me. I made that very clear when we decided to be in the relationship. Iām also a DJ on the weekends and we typically donāt have a good reputation for not cheating but Iāve been doing it since 97 and I was married for 22 years and never cheated. Most of the girls Iāve dated are normally ok with it in the beginning but after they see the girls around, they sometimes end up being jealous.
Yeahā¦..how about an update??
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So I just wanted to update you guys on how things are going. We just got back from a week vacation for her birthday. We both have been looking for someone with a great connection. Things have been amazing. We spent the week together. Iām still getting anxious when I think weāre going to have sex. Iām taking daily cialis, I take viagra before we have sex. I had a few times where I lost my erection when I went to penetrate even taking my medication. I know Iām thinking about it too much and Iāll loose it. If weāre just talking and not in the bedroom, I have no problem getting an erection though? Sheās aware of my past year dealing with this crap. She is very understanding and wants to be the one to help me get past this. She doesnāt care when it happens. The fact that she doesnāt pressure anything or doesnāt care if it happens or not has definitely been helpful. I had to use Trmix here and there and sheās cool about it. She actually likes it. I needed to use it especially on her birthday. She keeps telling me that my dick works fine and tells me itās in my head. I think she is doing everything she needs to do to rebuild my confidence and she said she is the one who wants to do it together. We made it official yesterday and weāre talking about moving in together. Sheās so supportive, but I donāt know how long I can do this and keep having failed attempts. I need a few good times in bed without having any problems so I can get past this. Iām sick of thinking about my dick so much. I just want to get back to enjoying sex without having this running in the back of my mind all the time. I might have to speak with someone and maybe try a therapist. Iām not blowing this this one! I donāt know what I would do if it doesnāt get better pretty soon. Iām being my worst enemy and itās really ruining things. Iām not as nervous about it as I was before we started talking about it. But until I have about 4-5 times without any problems, Iāll just keep doing the same thing. We had some great sex but it was because of whatever I had to take. I have to get out of the head!! Iām so sick of this.
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Hey on the having 4-5 times without fail part. From experience Iām pretty much on the other side of it now and am working on increasing libido at this point. Big thing for me was working on flipping a switch of celebrating successes. Which for me is terrible hard. Also going into it with the mind set that you after a few successes you will have a failure here or there and thatās ok your not regressing. The regressing mindset sent me down a spiral after having some successes. One thing that worked for me and the wife is a vibrating cock ring. If you can get it up hard enough to get it on your pretty much good to go. I was losing erections so that helped. My wife loved and now doesnāt let me use it cause she cums to fast. Was a big game changer for me and helped me to know it wasnāt really physical and gave me confidence and everyone likes seeing and hearing their partner orgasm. Good luck man and glad to hear things are going well with your lady
We bot a vibing c ring too. I upgraded the bullet vibe. She loves it!! Ours is super stretchy and I put the 3 pc set in it. Wow!
Iāve also gone to using a stretchy c ring. It restricts blood leaving your dick. Works pretty good.
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Iām glad Iām not the only one who needs a few wins in a row to build up the confidence! I would love to try on of those rings though. Iāve been getting much better with getting an erection with her just kissing and her touching me all over. The problem lately has been keeping it until weāve ready. So Iām going to give it a try. I know this will be something she would love to do. Sheās been coming up with some creative ways to get me hard wherever weāre at. Thanks so much everyone! Iāve been slacking on these lessons and Iām going to start making it a priority. But thanks for all of your suggestions!!!
Itās great to hear sheās trying to be creative and help!!!
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