Freaking out about this new girlfriend coming to stay with me for a few days

Hi everyone,
I just started this app and I’m having a new girlfriend who’s coming over to stay for a few days. I’ve been dealing with performance anxiety for the past year. My last relationship ended about 5 months ago. We had a lot of failed attempts during the year we were together. It kept getting worse and worse each time. I would fear going over to her place because I would think about it so much. I can’t seem to get it out of my head.

I started seeing this amazing beautiful girl a few months ago. We really clicked! I soon learned that she’s a professional Dominatrix. She’s not a sex worker. She’s never dated any of her clients. Now she’s coming over tonight to stay for 2 days and next week we’re gonna take a 4 day vacation. Tonight she said she would like to have sex. How can I not freak out thinking about this? I really need to get out of my head. I haven’t had any issues whatsoever when we’re laying in bed together or just lounging around. I’m completely hard.

I could really use a few tips or suggestions on what resources I can use today to help me relax a bit and enjoy being together. I know it’s all in my head but if anyone has any suggestions, it would really help me make this a success. And that’s what I need. I need a few good nights to help me with my confidence! Thank you in advance!!!

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Since this is last minute stuff the big thing would be to not worry and spiral if you don’t get an erection right away. Focus on and truly enjoy as many things as you can that aren’t the always changing state of your penis. I could be clueless because it’s not my thing, but if she’s a dominatrix then there’s probably some juice to be squeezed with the whole non-erection thing if it does happen. I guess the big thing is the best way to get out of your head is to enjoy sex however it expresses itself. I would think if anyone gets that it would a person in that culture of dominatrix, etc.

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What if you told her your situation? You could say something like ā€œI’m really into you and think you’re sexy. I’ve been dealing with sexual anxiety and when that happens, my penis doesn’t act like I want it to. I’m looking forward to enjoying this time with you and want you to know that if I don’t get hard, it’s not because I’m not attracted to you. I’m just in my head a bitā€. Being open, honest, and saying it confidently to the right person for you will make it a positive experience.

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Thank you for your reply!!! I’m lucky that we have had a good amount of deep conversations. This was a topic I had to discuss with her a few weeks ago. I explained how I start to get into my head and then things don’t play out when it happens. She has a PhD in psychology and she is very good with being open about it. I explained to her how much I beat myself up over it the last year. She’s used to seeing other men not get hard. She’s told me after we talked that when we were snuggling, she could feel how hard I was. I knew we weren’t going to have sex, so I didn’t have the pressure of getting hard. When I’m around her, I have been better than I was with my ex. She was saying a few times this week that I have to F her tonight and I told her I don’t need the extra pressure. She seems very understanding. But at the same time, I don’t want a first failed attempt to start the loop with her. She’s probably the most attractive girl I’ve been with and the fact she’s a dominatrix has me very excited and nervous at the same time. I’ve had to use Trimix injections before. They were always something I would hide. Not her. We talked about it and she keeps saying how interested she is in doing the injection to me. She does things like this to some of her clients but not with anything in the syringe. I guess it’s a kink for some but it’s a kink for her. I might have her do it tonight, just to take the pressure off. But I don’t think I need it. I just need to stop worrying about it. Thank you so much for your help!!

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Wow! Thanks for this!! I started thinking that maybe she’s the best person for me right now. She is a professional at turning men on. She knows more about sex and how to get a man turned on. I just want to enjoy the foreplay, feel her body and enjoy what she has to offer. She said that she has never been in a relationship with anyone who’s into BDSM and she’s always wanted to enjoy it with her partner but she said that they are all afraid of it. I think it might be good for the both of us if we can make this work. She might be the one who will give me a few good runs and after I have had 4-5 times in a row without any problems, I am fine. It’s very intimidating to say the least. I mean, she has seen everything and everyone would die to be in my situation. And I know that. I just really need to chill out because if I’m the way I am right now, it’s not going to be good. And I know it’s very last minute to be asking for help the same day. So thank you for your insight!! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will be fine. Regardless, we can do whatever and if it doesn’t work, I’ll keep going and make sure that she gets the attention she deserves because she’s the one who is always doing it for someone else. I know what I’m good at! So I can make the best of it regardless. I just need to keep telling myself that!! Easier said than done…

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Wow!
Intense situation!!
Yes I’d give a lot to be in your shoes!

I think you’ve got it right.
Is she looking to play with you or have ā€˜couples’ sex?
Is there a medical need for timix? Do you get hard solo?
Lots of porn??

Good luck brother!!:four_leaf_clover:

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Good luck, man! It sounds like you’ve got this and have deeper insights than most. Enjoy this gift that the universe has given you and all the unexpected ways it may play out!

It’s definitely a new thing for me. But we’re both new at this. She’s never dated anyone who is into BDSM and I’ve never been with someone that is a Dominatrix. But she’s very in tune with her sexuality and so am I. Regarding the Trimix, I went through a doctor who prescribed me anabolic steroids. I thought that going through a doctor would be safe. Not the case. The amount of steroids that they had me was absolutely insane. I started having problems after a few months and switched doctors and they had me on a strong PCT. I’m still recovering but for about a year, nothing was happening down there. Needless to say, it destroyed my confidence! I would avoid having sex because I knew what was going to happen. That year of having no libido and no erections was devastating to my ego. Then it became all I would think about. They had to give me Trimix. I’ve definitely been getting better. Last night I took cialis and viagra combo from a compound pharmacy and had no issues with getting an erection. The Trimix is always there so that helps with my anxiety knowing that I can use it. And she’s dying to do it to me. Completely strange. But I think this will be fun as long as I don’t have issues getting hard. I still have days where my dick isn’t connected to my brain but things are slowing improving but I’m no where near where I was about a year ago. This is definitely a physiological issue for me. I need to get back to enjoying it, instead of fearing it. I can’t wait until I can get to that point again! When you don’t even think about that. We all can do this as long as we learn to not overthink things. Thanks for your post bty!!

She’s looking for a serious relationship. Not to just hook up. She’s dated some really bad guys and she’s not used to this. A few months ago I would never thought she would want to be together with me in a serious relationship but we’re both just going with the flow and it’s been a lot of fun so far!

If she’s pro- moving forward- how do you feel about her domming other guys?

I get the allure of being with a dom and a woman into kinks, but I’m not sure I’m up for sharing my girl…
Make sure you keep us updated!!

Updates??

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I’m totally fine with her profession. She doesn’t do anything sexual with anyone. I normally would have an issue about that but I met her after she’s been a professional Dominatrix. 15 years she has been doing this. Since we’ve started getting serious, she’s mentioned that she doesn’t enjoy it and wishes she was with me instead. She said that since we have been together, she’s been having trouble doing sessions. I don’t know what it’s called but she has clients that are into watching her get banged by her ā€œBullā€ another name for her man. She has never done that before because she has never had anyone to do it with. Now she wants me to be involved with those sessions and we’d both make over 3k to have sex. So it really doesn’t bother me if that answers your question. She’s actually in the middle of a session right now. She wants me to take her to her dungeon and pick her up. She stays on the phone with me before she starts and calls me right after. I mentioned that I don’t give second chances if someone was to cheat on me. I made that very clear when we decided to be in the relationship. I’m also a DJ on the weekends and we typically don’t have a good reputation for not cheating but I’ve been doing it since 97 and I was married for 22 years and never cheated. Most of the girls I’ve dated are normally ok with it in the beginning but after they see the girls around, they sometimes end up being jealous.

Yeah…..how about an update??

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So I just wanted to update you guys on how things are going. We just got back from a week vacation for her birthday. We both have been looking for someone with a great connection. Things have been amazing. We spent the week together. I’m still getting anxious when I think we’re going to have sex. I’m taking daily cialis, I take viagra before we have sex. I had a few times where I lost my erection when I went to penetrate even taking my medication. I know I’m thinking about it too much and I’ll loose it. If we’re just talking and not in the bedroom, I have no problem getting an erection though? She’s aware of my past year dealing with this crap. She is very understanding and wants to be the one to help me get past this. She doesn’t care when it happens. The fact that she doesn’t pressure anything or doesn’t care if it happens or not has definitely been helpful. I had to use Trmix here and there and she’s cool about it. She actually likes it. I needed to use it especially on her birthday. She keeps telling me that my dick works fine and tells me it’s in my head. I think she is doing everything she needs to do to rebuild my confidence and she said she is the one who wants to do it together. We made it official yesterday and we’re talking about moving in together. She’s so supportive, but I don’t know how long I can do this and keep having failed attempts. I need a few good times in bed without having any problems so I can get past this. I’m sick of thinking about my dick so much. I just want to get back to enjoying sex without having this running in the back of my mind all the time. I might have to speak with someone and maybe try a therapist. I’m not blowing this this one! I don’t know what I would do if it doesn’t get better pretty soon. I’m being my worst enemy and it’s really ruining things. I’m not as nervous about it as I was before we started talking about it. But until I have about 4-5 times without any problems, I’ll just keep doing the same thing. We had some great sex but it was because of whatever I had to take. I have to get out of the head!! I’m so sick of this.

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Hey on the having 4-5 times without fail part. From experience I’m pretty much on the other side of it now and am working on increasing libido at this point. Big thing for me was working on flipping a switch of celebrating successes. Which for me is terrible hard. Also going into it with the mind set that you after a few successes you will have a failure here or there and that’s ok your not regressing. The regressing mindset sent me down a spiral after having some successes. One thing that worked for me and the wife is a vibrating cock ring. If you can get it up hard enough to get it on your pretty much good to go. I was losing erections so that helped. My wife loved and now doesn’t let me use it cause she cums to fast. Was a big game changer for me and helped me to know it wasn’t really physical and gave me confidence and everyone likes seeing and hearing their partner orgasm. Good luck man and glad to hear things are going well with your lady

We bot a vibing c ring too. I upgraded the bullet vibe. She loves it!! Ours is super stretchy and I put the 3 pc set in it. Wow!
I’ve also gone to using a stretchy c ring. It restricts blood leaving your dick. Works pretty good.

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I’m glad I’m not the only one who needs a few wins in a row to build up the confidence! I would love to try on of those rings though. I’ve been getting much better with getting an erection with her just kissing and her touching me all over. The problem lately has been keeping it until we’ve ready. So I’m going to give it a try. I know this will be something she would love to do. She’s been coming up with some creative ways to get me hard wherever we’re at. Thanks so much everyone! I’ve been slacking on these lessons and I’m going to start making it a priority. But thanks for all of your suggestions!!!

It’s great to hear she’s trying to be creative and help!!!

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