I have been with my fiancé now coming up on two years. I have had more struggles in the last year with getting things up and running. Having two young kids makes it a challenge to find time and space for my fiancé and I to have alone time. When we do have a minute, I’m able to get a decent erection, then just before sex out of nowhere the fight or flight kicks in and there’s no getting back up again. There’s no negative thoughts really going on. I can literally feel the adrenaline dump into my system from nowhere. How do I get past this? I hate letting her down. She is very understanding and tried to not take it personally. In my previous marriage (17 years) this wasn’t an issue, what am I doing wrong? Feel disconnected from myself.
Having similar issues. Last long enough, good strong erection but then mind clears and whomp whomp… interesting too think this might be fight or flight?
How long ago was the previous relationship - did it end amicably? There’s all sorts of difficult, possibly subconscious, baggage from past relationships that can get in the way of allowing you to move forward in new relationships (linking sex with relationship endings, feeling unfaithful even though past relationships ended and so on and on…).
I get the same thing, but its before we even start. If I know sex is on the table (which most often it’s not…8-10 times a year) then I get that fight/flight adrenaline dump as we are shutting off the TV and getting ready to head to bed. Shaking, heart racing, dry mouth, mind all a buzz. It fucking sucks.
So you can talk to your doc about beta blockers. That’s exactly what they are for. I haven’t asked yet but I am trying Hawthorn Berry. I read about it on another site. It’s been shown to have positive affects on high blood pressure and heart rate, so it “mimics” a beta blocker in that way. I started taking it a few days ago but haven’t had an opportunity to test it on my sex fight/flight. Hopefully it helps because I know reducing that psychological-turned-physical reaction will be a huge help.
Just know you’re not alone!