Feeling alone, broken and in tatters

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My wife and I have been married 12 years. Over the last three years my erections have gone from regular and strong to irregular and soft.

The strain on our marriage is showing and after 3 years my wife is now talking about us going out separate ways.

I’ve tried everything to get better. Started counselling, taken Viagra and Tildenafil, I’ve had hormones (They’ve improved from 8.4 to 13.4 over two years.) So my wife says I can’t blame my testosterone anymore.

Scared, I feel alone and my peep is on the Fritz.

We can fool around (foreplay) but when we try penetrative sex I panic and it dies on me. Last time we did anything was almost a month ago. (She came on, I got a cold and she got an ear infection.)

But today she has told me she thinks we should either become companions or have an open marriage.

Nothing I can say will fix how she feels. (Unloved, unwanted. Needs unmet.) She says I’ve been perfect in every other way just not sexually.

I feel broken, alone and sad.

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From what you’ve shared it sounds like you’re going through a really rough season in your relationship. I would be curious to know what your communication and openness look like between you and your wife? How are things outside of the bedroom? Also, have you considered individual therapy? It’s great to know you’ve been monitoring your hormone levels, but be sure it tests estrogen levels as well. Men often only get their testosterone checked, but high estrogen can also throw things off, and is entirely possible for men.

Also, what other factors have changed in your marriage as well as your life? Stress can hugely impact my ability to get and stay aroused, so managing stress with things like meditation, exercise, and taking supplements that mitigate the effects of cortisol are all important to me.