ED has made dating stressful

[marvellous-apricot-dolphin]

Hey guys. I’m 33 and for me intimacy never seems to come naturally. When I date, I try to see if we connect in an intellectual and sexual way. I usually don’t have too much trouble talking and making conversation, and that usually gets me dates, but when it comes to the sexual part I think I get nervous and come off as a little awkward and unconfident. This is the stuff before sex, like just affectionate touching or kissing…. And it ends up also translating to the bedroom. Does anyone have advice on how to overcome this?

I had a bad breakup in 2019 and, while I have off-and on dated since then, I haven’t had sex. The hiatus was on purpose through 2021. I was working on establishing my career… but it definitely hasn’t been on purpose the last 2 years. I go on dates and we can talk for hours, but the moment I try to make any move I feel like I’m just radiating these awkward vibes… and the girls sense it. I’ve only had sex with 2 girls, and only one of them was a relationship that lasted about a year. I’ve probably had about 15 or so relationships that never ended up turning into a girlfriend/intimate relationship (is that odd? Very few of my relationships last long so I also am more devastated when the ones that do turn into the real thing end)

I tried talking about it with the girl I’m dating now. We have been dating for about 6 weeks. We have talked a lot during dates and on the phone. We have cuddled and kissed but no big make out sessions. The other night I was staying at her house and tried a more intense make-out session while we were laying in bed (didn’t really try anything while in the kitchen or living room though). I didn’t even feel at the moment that I was being awkward but she started laughing and said I was. She apologized and said it was her own nerves. I told her that I’m usually a little awkward and nervous at the start of the relationship. Then she told me she wasn’t interested in having sex.

We just went to bed after and I brought it up a couple days later. She said that she just wasn’t expecting it. I asked her if she was interested in having sex and she said she wasn’t and elaborated that confidence is what’s “hot”. She also said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is bad at sex (pressure much?) So my interpretation is that my vulnerability in admitting that I have this awkward/nervous issue made her less attracted to me… and now she is adding even more pressure to it by saying that I need to be “good” to be with her.

Right now I don’t think I’m keepin’ this one. My point to the story is that the advice to “talk” about the issue with your partner doesn’t always seem to be the right approach, and I’m wondering if there is any other advice?

[successive-coffee-chickadee]

You need to get away from that woman who is going to give you severe psychogenic ED. She’s going to give any guy she is with psychogenic ED. I recommend you get a sex doll, practice your mojo on her. When you get a woman in bed you need to lead but gently and read her non-verbal communication also. I like to do massages to break the ice. Get some kind of gimmick to make you seem like you know what you are doing, like get her one of those nipple sensation arousal creams and start of by trying that. After massaging her and touching every part of her body with a gentle movement go down on her but oral is just foreplay->. Here’s a big tip, this one is total gold, get a few pocket rocket vibrators on amazon or something, they are kind of long and thin and not for you but for you to use on her. When you penetrate her have her hold the vibrator on her clitoris and she will orgasm so intensely you’ll be known from then on as a guy who really is good at sex. The best part is you don’t have to be good at sex for this to work. LOL. That silly woman, she’s going to be missing out on some real fun. Find a nice, humble, sweet woman who deserves you man.

Benefits of the sex doll. Free yourself of needing a woman, now you can think more logically. Stop using your hand, use your leg and hip muscles to masturbate by penetrating the sex doll. She’s actually workout equipment. Get a full size realistic one. Hell get 3 and setup a lesbian scene next to you while you do one of them. Anyway you train those lower body muscles to be strong and very functional for real sex. Train your penis to recognize penetration stimulation as sex and not the hand wrap around the dick as sex. Talk to the sex doll, be sweet to her, spoil her, practice your charisma on her, learn to engage in activities during sex that are fun, the dolls are good for cuddling also.

[marvellous-apricot-dolphin]

Thanks for the response. I can see how a sex doll might help. It’s the best way to practice and get comfortable without actually having sex. I think the main reasons I haven’t gotten one are because I think it might feel a little odd to be with something that looks so life-like, but is also so life-less. They also seem like they would be very hard to store… these are both things I could probably work through. Thanks for the advice on getting those pocket vibrators for forplay. Sex toys are items that would be very handy

Like I said, I find that when I date conversation is very easy, but it is a little hard for me to transfer that into physical affection gradually. I think I’m too abrupt with it and when I try something it probably surprises them. Do you have any strategies on easing from conversations into more flirtatious & physical activities?