Control issues leading to ED

Hey, my partner and I were having a great time when she takes the lead. However when I went to take charge I quickly lost my erection and lose the moment. I want to take the lead more to take the pressure off my partner. Has anyone got any suggestions to help?

Yes! I was struggling with a similar issue. As soon as I took the lead I started getting into Performance Mode, telling myself it’s Now or Never. As soon as I got the feeling that my penis was getting flaccid, guess what happened? It did. I was pressuring myself to perform.

What made a huge difference for me was that I had a really good conversation with my partner, asking her to tell me it’s ok when I lose my erection, rather than getting all quiet and sulky. She responded really positively and that took a lot of pressure off me. No matter what happened after that, it’s either ok or great.

I hope this helps you!


That sounds great! How do you guys relax enough to let her take the lead?

I would love to be able to do this. I tend to need to be in control (presumably, because I know when I am hard or not, or perhaps because I don’t seem to like attention very much).

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Thanks I will definitely have the conversation with my partner and hopefully this helps. It’s good to know others are in the same boat.

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It’s the only way we have sex at the moment, I think because she’s leading I can switch off a bit and it’s helps me get hard.

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