Listening to the videos and meditating, I realized that my problem was never porn or masturbating but I can’t just be with one woman.
Sex with my wife has been a rollercoaster, which we either have good sex or terrible sex due to distractions in which I can’t get it up or I lose the erection. Some of it, it is because I don’t have that foreplay that I usually have with other women like one night stands that I had several times. Unfortunately with my wife, I have to imagine being with other women to get it up and stay up. I realized that in some of these affairs, other than the one night stands, my performance decreases. Not sure if I got bored of them, guilt or what. But I realized that my first time I had sex was the best just because there was no expectation and also, novelty. New women. New experiences. New sensations. That was in my previous job, which I traveled a lot. In my current job, I work from home, which has been an absolute drag. I do love my wife. I have communicated with her things like foreplay, oral sex, etc but she is not caring. She thinks I should get it up like an elevator, but actually gets up like a plane with plenty of runway and preparation. Recently I have thought of several women to see what happens, but I fear that I will risk my marriage and losing my kids. My theory is another experience would reignite the sex. But I escaped her from finding out the past infidelities. Not asking for advice. Just getting this off my chest.
This was the opposite for me, with my long term relationship I felt more comfortable with my girlfriend so had no issues. After becoming single I found it harder with new sexual partners. Your wife thinking you should be getting hard instantaneously could perhaps be making it hard to be with her, so you look to other women - perhaps communicate your (plane analogy / phychological inhibitors) to her. No comment on the infidelity.
Thank you. Trust me, I am not proud of the infidelity portion. I am glad that period is over. But is not resolving the current issue.
Infidelity for me was a distancing mechanism - it limited intimacy to a for a schizoid safe level. Even in professional settings I tried to have sex once per lady … that’s clearly not sustainable. working on that .