Coming clean for the first time - I need help sorting out my sexual life as a 20 year old

🍆 Erection issues
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Firstly this is going to be long, but please if you have time indulge me, you’re the first person to ever hear this

This is awkward for me, and I’ve never opened up about anything to do with my mental health really, bar a recent chat with a girl I’ve become friends where I scratched the surface of some issues, and chats with chatgpt and I’ve struggled since I was 11 or so, apart from the odd convo with my parents - my mum is to sad/lost herself and seems to never want to be happy, so I end up feeling her burden more, and my dad is of the idea that mental health issues etc etc are made up and people just want to be victims.

Essentially I’ve been porn addicted since I was 11, only realised at about 15 the issue, and have battled it meekly since then, as I’ve got older I’ve been able to go longer and longer without it but I don’t think this alone is the key to making myself confident sexually.

I feel like I’ve wasted all these years scared of relationships and connection, all because of body image issues and one experience with ED when I was 15 (since then I have never got it up with a girl, or if I have it goes down as soon as my trousers come down).

I’ve never had a proper relationship, I’m scared of it, I’m scared of one night stands and I’m scared of sex in general now, I fear the shame from them, the shame if it gets out, and the shame of others knowing, I think most people assume I’ve lost my virginity (I never lie and say I have) and all my new friends at university wouldn’t guess I think. I’m tall and can be quite social on my day and I’m learning to love how I look and who I am, slowly but surely, and I’m exercising like crazy these last few months so I’m anticipating results.

I just can’t get over this gnawing voice though!

A couple years ago this extended to a shy bladder (today I pissed in a urinal while it was just me and my mate, and I haven’t done this in years so I was secretly gassed). I know it’s all up there, although I have had doubts about physical issues since in times of excessive porn use I would do things (I don’t think any of it was tooo crazy but I won’t go into detail) to enhance pleasure, and equally I’m going to look into the possibility of low test for a few reasons. The issue I face beyond this is my ADHD, which really causes strong self doubting thoughts, and if I have a worry about something like ED occurring it will bounce around my head and make it a self fulfilling prophecy.

Essentially I don’t know what to do, should I look for therapy to do with sexual health, eill this app be enough? Should I masturbate but only to thoughts (celibacy doesn’t seem right) what will be most helpful for me on this app?

If you’ve read this I hope you know how much this means to me, I’m scared and I want to break free from this curse that has plagued my teens, and i have properly fancied someone for the first time in years (the girl I opened up to a bit) and I want to be confident rather than fearful and start a new chapter in my life, with myself in control and free.

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I’ll add, I’m absolutely dying to lose my virginity if I’m honest, out in the open through my teens I say I don’t care and I’m waiting for the right person - which is half true, but equally I’ve either turned down, or ruined one night stands because of ED/fear of ED. I think so much of the issue is this simple pressure, my penis is decently big and I now feel so much more confident in my body, so how much is just the pressure I’ve put into the idea of penetration?

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Your feelings don’t sound much different from other people on here. Don’t get hung up on the idea of losing your virginity. Use this app and focus on yourself, being calm, recognizing the inner critic, etc. I think you should also see a therapist as there’s probably some intersection with your ADHD and other issues (again - relatively common stuff).

It’s great that you were able to open up to that girl. Talking to the girl and being open and honest can relieve a lot of the pressure. Also, when done right, many women will actually find it attractive/sexy that you were vulnerable with them.

Coming on here and saying all this is a great first step I think, it’s really hard when we struggle with these things on our own. Mojo used to to support group calls with groups of men - those were great it’s too bad they don’t do them anymore (that I know of).

Anyway I think you’re on the right track, don’t be so hard on yourself, your issue and your thoughts about it are very similar to lots of guys on here. I personally have had similar feelings and this app has helped me a lot!
Wishing you the best!

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I think the app can help but you’ve got a lot to talk about and I too would suggest therapy from someone who can guide you and help you process your thoughts and emotions. Good luck

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I skimmed through some responses in the end it is up to you because therapy and the app CAN help but they MIGHT NOT. You have to let the app or therapy help and really embrace whatever either one tells you. I have been using the app for only 3 days and noticed a huge confidence boost and I am making improvements. So yes, the app can help if you use the meditations and daily exercises but if you fear that this is not enough then you might want to try Therapy as well. It is up to you and you can only get results if you want results and don’t force them,

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Happy to have you here! Sounds like you found Mojo at a good time, especially as you’re making lots of gains and confronting stuff in various areas of your life.

Give the Mojo trial a try, and definitely take your time with the inner critic and inner coach activities (as another member suggested in this thread). It might give you more clarity on what exactly you want to work on. So then, even if you cancel Mojo and get in touch with a counselor or therapist, it will be time well spent.

If you do end up looking for a therapist and want some tips, reply to me here or ask our support team via the chat support, and we can share some pointers.

As for your question about masturbating only to thoughts, it really depends on what you’re comfortable with right now. There’s no universal rule. Experimenting with different approaches that fit your values is often a good idea. And working through the Mojo porn activities will help you find out what you could commit to and what sort of porn and masturbation habits will feel healthy and productive.

I know how all-consuming self-doubt can feel. And I can tell you’re working hard to measure up to the respect your uni friends give you and to develop the connection with the girl you like. But trust me, all the things you mentioned are really common, normal worries. They’re things that all sorts of guys confront as they develop their confidence and their approach to sex. You’re not stuck. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. In fact, you’re smashing it by piecing this all together, weighing up Mojo and therapy, and putting it all into a post here.

Get into the Mojo activities for at least a couple of days, give yourself some credit, and reach out if you have anything else to ask about. Things will appear clearer and simpler very soon.