Can't have healthy sex

I am a gay man who for a long time was used to having secret sex with married men. This was usually just oral and hands and then for me at home masturbation. After entering a relationship I found that I wasn’t getting turned on during sex or if I was, it wasn’t lasting and certainly not climaxing.
I wanted to masturbate more and do it alone rather than with someone and I’m worried that I’ve completely ruined a healthy sex life. Once I enter a relationship with someone, its as if I no longer find them sexually attractive because the chase has gone


You are right different situations will produce different amounts of arousal. However, we can change how we become aroused. Spending some time getting back into your body, noticing unhelpful thoughts and slowing things down. If you are in a relationship look for opportunities to communicate how things are for you, what you might need to keep the arousal, what you might need to have a ‘healthy’ pleasurable sex life. You will be able to work this out, so much more pleasure than secret sex with married men. Working on all of the relationship, especially communication. be kind to yourself - you wont have ruined anything - you are just going to explore with Mojo’s help what you need at this time. Good luck!

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I am in a similar boat, bisexual - only out to a couple of people though tbh - and have had secret sexual hookups for which I’ve found it much easier to maintain an erection during rather than normal, romantic sex

I have a hookup app addiction rather than a porn addiction, and first step I’m taking is trying to delete Grindr as I think I was using it for “soothing” as they mentioned in the porn section for this. Even if it didn’t result in a hookup, was just chatting

I think we can use the strategies they discuss in the course around unhealthy relationships with porn in combating our maybe unhealthy sexual activity patterns. If it’s making us feel bad, we need to work on it :blush:

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