I met a girl 2 weeks ago who I’m taking to senior prom. We took a weekend trip together with my friends and we slept in the same bed. I had no problem being horny and erect when we were cuddling or making out but as soon as we escalated to sex my dick went soft. She was understanding when I told her what happened but I’m nervous to escalate again. It was also my first time being intimate with someone which makes me sad because I wanted it to be special and now I just feel like a loser.
I’m very healthy, play 3 sports, eat well, lift weights, but I’m constantly worried about my dick and when I should be hard. I feel embarrassed that I’m 18 and dealing with this issue.
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The good news is, this is likely a mental problem not a medical problem and you can fix it with a little effort. If I had to guess, it was nerves that caused you to lose your erection. Mojo will teach you about dealing with that.
Your brain went into fight-or-flight mode (sympathetic nervous system) and when that happens your body is optimizing for survival, not reproduction. Don’t need a boner to survive a dangerous situation, so the blood and energy that was being used to get you erected is dedicated elsewhere. It could have been nervousness or excitement or fear/anticipation of your first time - any of these would be understandable and explain why that happened to you. If you start worrying about how you are going to perform, this can cause your issue too.
Since you had no problem getting erect before that, you know that all the biological systems are working correctly. Now you just need to learn how to keep your brain/body in the rest-and-digest mode (parasympathetic nervous system). Mojo will help you with that.
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Thanks for the response. Sounds like exactly what happened. I’m looking forward to fixing the issue and hopefully mojo will help with it.
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Of course!
I just noticed, in the Resources section of the app there is a series titled “Overcoming pre-sex nerves”. That might be a good place for you to start.
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Next time you are both cuddling and making out you you could increase the level of intimacy by focusing on her body and pleasure. Don’t worry if you have an erection or not, make it about her. Try using your hands and mouth near her vulva to stimulate the parts of the clitoris hidden beneath. Women take longer to reach orgasm. Take is slowly and ask her what feels good for her. Even if you had an erection immediately it would be better for her if you delayed penetration and helped her ‘catch up’ by building her sensations. If you help her reach orgasm with just your hands and/or mouth she probably won’t notice whether you’re hard or not.
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Sounds like performance anxiety. Give the apps courses a go and see how you feel after a bit of work.
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Definitely will take it slower next time. A lot more enjoyable for me and her. Thanks for the advice.