I have had some very bad experiences where my partner has reacted negatively to going soft me and has blamed me for causing my own ED through porn
I’ve said a number of times that erection doesn’t equal arousal - but she doesn’t seem to take this on board.
Has anyone suffered the same thing? How have you reassured your partner in this situation?
This is as much about training your partner as well as you. Focus on pleasure > performance. Show her the research from Mojo that says you can be aroused and not hard, and vice vera. And let her know that calling it out every time it happens makes the next time worse. You need to be gentle with her so it doesn’t become an argument. Rather it’s a teaching exercise. It’ll take time, good luck.