I have to admit that, one of my biggest flaws is always feeling like I’m the smartest person in the room. Especially during a conflict, I need to learn to patiently listen to the other side before I just let my assumptions run wild. While I dont neccesaripy yell and argue, my silence does speak volumes and when I do talk its usually to undermine the other speaker.
So definitely will practice and be mindful of listening to others carefully not for the sake of winning an argument but genuinepy find a happy middle ground.
Oftentimes I try to avoid conflict and that’s not healthy
When i love someone more then she loved me
I’m not sure as I’m single at the moment. Perhaps I need to open conversations when there are potential issues in a relationship without making it too weighty or serious. I need to think how to better recognise and express what I need.
We are married but polyamorous. We are comfortable meeting some of our needs with other people, but there are some needs that I have that need to be met by the person I am living with. She used to meet those but has not in the past year. I am having trouble explaining that to her. She acts sometimes like it’s the end of the world when her other partners let her down, but I’m right here. I don’t like that either.
I just need to work on actually talking about things. I get so exhausted and wiped out that when it comes to conversation. I guess I’ve been caretaking all this time.
I need to work on making my needs known as well as actually taking responsibility for acting on my fiancée’s needs. She’s very open about what she needs and I need to give it to her instead of saying I’ll do it and then not doing it.
I need to work on my tone of voice, and in general not be a smart ass so much.
I need to phrase my words more carefully
I’m not a good arguer I stumble on all my words I want to listen and I want to make it happen. Sometimes I fall short of her needs and that should be OK.
I need to stop getting loud and stop yelling and letting my emotions get the best of me
I need space to process my response where she gets angry and presses me, meaning I blurt out something that’s completely not what I was trying to say
I need to do a better job of reflecting and recognizing my needs in the moment sometimes when something is said or done that might not sit right with my values and needs.
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I need to Learn to take criticism and the full reality of situations I am or find myself in as learning opportunities not things to go into fight or flight about I need to stop avoiding conflict to keep the peace “not have to deal with someone’s possible emotions or outbursts” and not go into conflicts with a game plan and motive
I need to work on building my self discipline so I can show up for my future partner as best as I can. I need to work on being a better listener and being more patient, while being compassionate.
I need to work on being willing to initiate difficult conversations that I know could potentially lead to conflict. I tend to “keep the peace,” which can result in me downplaying my feelings and avoiding conflict in order to not rock the boat. Ultimately, I think that does a disservice to myself and my partner in the long run.
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I need to better sort the line of caring and caretaking - I somehow do a lot of initiation of conversations but also let things linger
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I need to be better at not offering obvious solutions, especially when she hasn’t asked for any. I need to learn to just listen to what she has to say and just be there for her without thinking that I need to fix the problem. When we do argue, I get animated with my body language, which she has told me she finds intimidating and that she is fearful for her safety. I would NEVER EVER harm her, but my communication style in the heat of an argument scares her. This then makes me feel ashamed of my actions, very remorseful, and embarrassed that I can’t communicate better.
I have been on a journey this last year to believe in myself. And I am angry at the times I didn’t stand up for myself. In arguments when I know she has concocted the meanest stuff just designed to hurt. And now I feel that anger even at the smallest things. I don’t know how to express this and I feel like it’s affecting me and my ability to feel and accept love for others and myself. I feel like my mind keeps trying to reject intimacy
At times move to caretaking or solution mode … normally to move on (guy thinking) and sometimes move to maintaining peace.
Exploring what the specific need is seems to come naturally for me (with others), I think I’m better at stating my needs than she is and making plans around them.
I think there is resentment that’s been held onto for time that we’re both working through.