“What is wrong with you? You may as well give up”
“Oh no, here we go again”
Or just “focus on bottoming” (I’m gay)
I don’t hear a voice as such, it’s much more unspoken, it’s a dread. Once something’s off and it’s the slightest bit less hard I might have the thought, I might not he able to get this back or, that “it’s happening again”
My ex crushed my confidence as a top (as a gay man) and a whole year on I still feel robbed of my confidence and am reminded of him any time it doesn’t go as planned and the rest of the night and following day im flat with disappointment
My inner critic is a little worm in my head. before sex tells me to worry about allegations after sex and makes me worry about making a girl uncomfortable or doing things she doesn’t want. During sex my inner critic begs me to get hard and when I’m hard I beg to ejaculate and when j can’t my inner critic says what’s wrong with me
My inner critic used to say why am I here doing this if this relationship is not going to work. And that would turn me off. Over time, it turned into anxiety telling me that I will go limp as soon as I am about to have sex or during sex, or won’t even be able to get an erection.
Mi inner critic says things like “your partner will get bored” “it’s not up yet and probably will never be” “it will happen again” “keep trying even though you want to stop, you will get into it again” “it will not end well”
Yep it is a voice saying you’ve failed once you’ll fail again she’ll be gone.
My inner critic is just my own voice. I hear it in the same way I hear any other thought. Like I hear myself work through a math problem, or read an instruction manual. It’s hard to distinguish when I’m just thinking or when it is my inner critic talking.
It starts long before a sexual encounter. I hear the same voice saying “this is going to be great, you’ll enjoy it” and also, “It might not go well. You know she’ll think you don’t find her attractive if you don’t get hard.” The seed is planted.
In the act: The sex feels good. During foreplay I am focused on what is happening between us. I am enjoying myself. I think “is it time for insertion? Am I hard enough? Will I stay hard enough? Yes…I think so.” The seed has sprouted.
We move on. I’m inside her and it feels great. My thoughts are about how good it feels, then I remember, “I don’t know how long it will last. If I go faster maybe she’ll finish. That’ll relieve some of my anxiety. If she finishes then who cares if I don’t?” I try to refocus on what is happening, how good it feels, and why the voice is wrong. I might maintain compose for a little while, but my erection has already started to fade. My wife is on top, I wonder if she can tell, I am thinking about whether or not she notices. “Can I hang on long enough for her to finish?”
Then she says “Are you okay, do you want to take a break?” That’s it, that’s the deathknell. She can tell I’m not not very hard. It doesn’t feel good for either of us. I’m not even paying attention to what is happening on the bed. I’m a million miles away arguing with myself about whether or not I can get back into it. We both know I probably can’t. I take her up on the offer for a break. My inner critic keeps reminding me that a break won’t help. Sex is over. My inner critic is right…
Because my inner critic always says I won’t get a good erection, my confidence is shaken
My inner critic has my own voice and it begins to tell me that even if I am able to maintain an erection through the sex act that I probably won’t cum and it reminds me to make sure I’m pleasing my wife and sometimes taunts me and asks me if I’m large enough to satisfy her or suggests maybe my size is too small and isn’t creating enough friction or stimulation and that’s why I don’t cum even if my wife reaches orgasm. Then it begins to feel futile and that I can’t cum after long periods of trying and my wife feels concern that it’s her fault that she can’t make me cum…then my inner critic just convinced me to give up and not worry about my own pleasure especially when I’m certain my wife experienced orgasm it makes the whole episode feel unfulfilling and mutually frustrating.
Mine feels more like a discussion, which maybe I’m involved or maybe I’m just overhearing. It starts off a bit dubious about what I’m doing and then becomes critical…often for no reason. For example the inner critic will suggest I might not be hard when I am. And then I’ll lose it.
She wont like it
My inner critic is my own voice. It says things like, better stay hard so your partner doesn’t judge you. Your partner can tell that you’re not totally hard right now. It’s been a while, you should think about cumming soon. And of course when these pressured thoughts arise im taken out of the moment and start to lose my erection.
Sex would seem more like an obligation rather than a desire. Then I would tell myself I should desire it but my body wasn’t desiring. So then I would look forward to feeling the wet vagina to stay hard and get into it. But my mind would wander and it wouldn’t feel good anymore and I would then beat myself up.
I don’t thing I have ever exposed the inner critic for what it is
I understand my inner critic is myself. What I heard from my own mind was simply, don’t get soft, don’t get soft. Repeatedly. I understand that my inner critic is myself telling me to not lose it my erection in a stressful manner and thought. Its myself and not somebody else affecting me, its my own thoughts and self doubt.
My inner critic is a subconscious numbing sensation. Sometimes, it comes up in the form of a crippling feeling of self doubt. But it’s never a voice interestingly.
My inner critic has my voice. He’s there as if he’s in the room with me and spying on the situation. Already disappointed in what’s about to unfold. Can’t stand that guy!
My critic seemed so rational, like it was trying to help. Don’t think about it, it says. Just focus on the moment. But, it causes that exact issue.
i was able to visualize my inner critic, and he looks ridiculous, not like a real version of myself, which makes him easier to dismiss
I am confident about everything besides my ability to get an erection.