It just appears as an anonymous voice in my head without much personality behind it. I like the idea of creating a character of the inner critic as I think this might make it easier to spot when it appears.
This was cool
My inner critic is fear and also a lack of excitement. Plus, my first partner was very critical of my porn use and made me feel anxious as a result of it.
My inner critic is just me, it completely takes me out of the present moment and puts 100% of the focus on NOT fucking up the performance, which as im sure you all know, fucks up the entire performance
I did not have a clear description of my critic, so I instead assigned the characteristics. From my understanding of this exercise, it’s a way for you to turn your critic into an entity you can respond do, so giving it a voice, a location, and even clothing and appearance helps to do that.
My inner critic starts as soon as I know there might be a situation where sex may happen. This could be days before. The critic is myself. Even though in the moment I don’t really hear the critic, he must be there, or the thought is in my head.
My inner critic wants me to feel like he’s protecting me but he’s just instilling fear.
My inner critic is my own voice, how will i preform can i pleasure her, will i stay hard enough
My inner critic is me! Thoughts going
Round and round. Telling me that I can’t get an erection and then getting frustrated with me because it’s happening.
It’s my voice, preempting that I’m either not going to get hard in the first place or that it won’t last long enough to satisfy my partner
I’m calling mine sludge
It just smothers sexual excitement with conclusions it’s made about how it will go
And it desexualizes me and makes sex a project or an accomplishment or work
My inner critic is me. It worries about things before it happens. Im hours maybe even days before sex and im already scared that I will not get hard and that I will leave my wife sitting there emotionally hurt thinking that shes the reason or that there’s some one else. When neither of those are true
(To preface, I have issues with penile sensitivity with my partners likely due to anxiety competing with arousal)
The self doubting statements:
Your body probably looks and feels gross when you’re naked
Will she think my foreskin is weird?
You probably won’t stay hard.
Even if you get hard, you won’t be able to cum.
You REALLY won’t be able to feel anything if you wear a condom.
DURING:
You probably look and feel kinda gross to her.
Your rhythm is bad because you can’t feel the sex
Bad rhythm = bad lover
Maybe you can’t feel the sex because you’re probably too thin in girth.
If you can’t feel her, she can’t feel you.
That means she’s probably pretending to enjoy herself.
She’s tolerating you being inside of her.
She probably thinks that you’re not attracted to her or you’re a weirdo basket case.
(While this is happening in my head I’ll be searching for any psychological arousal as if looking for lost car keys. Feels like I’m scrambling/drowning. This especially happens when I can’t feel sex building toward orgasm.)
Seems to taunt me to say you can’t and won’t get it up
The inner critic keeps yelling abuse like I’m a loser or I’m going to ruin this or how could I be so useless. He keeps reminding me to think about what the other person will think of me. He questions why I’m not aroused, what’s wrong with me, is this what you always wanted?
He is a different part of me, he is a child, he is easily embarrassed and shy. It feels sorta weird that the part is a child given the topic is sex.
My inner critic has my voice. It’s a work in my head and it reminds me of all the times my performance issues left me by myself. Tells me if I can’t perform and make my partner happy, I’ll just wind up alone again. As soon as I hear it, I get a hot flash and know my dick is going to start going limp
My inner critic has my voice, and gnaws at the back of my head telling me that I won’t get hard far before the sexual encounter happens. It also eats away at me while I’m doing everyday tasks, and compares me to others around me who I suspect can satisfy their partner.
My inner critic sounds a lot like another version of me, who is always concerned and depressed about how things are going wrong. Not just sex, but in other aspects of life.
The inner critic is telling me I need to get out of my head. Which is ironic because it is keeping me inside of my head. I am also desperately thinking “I hope I can get hard enough for sex tonight”.
the voice is often authoritative, speaking as if it knows all and is assertively predictive. it often interrupts my focus and speaks out of turn. its says things like… " the mood isnt right" or you should brush your teeth or should have showered or that the light should go out or her pants are going to be to difficult to take off. there goes the wood and Im left feeling like Ive failed before Ive even started.