Usually transitioning from foreplay to sex. I start spectatoring and telling myself to just stay hard, that usually starts the downward spiral for me. But it can also happen before foreplay even begins.
I tend to put pressure on myself to always be going, and if for whatever reason we stop to change position or take a break, I get so anxious that my erection is going to fail that is ruins the mood.
That feeling of being rushed and fear of stopping stops me from relaxing and enjoying the moment.
So it happens when my girlfriend and I break up and I tend to get anxiety from the situation and then once we get back together, it won’t work at all
I don’t like getting naked before I’m hard, because it makes me feel more aware about my penis and the fact that it isn’t ready. I also don’t really like being under blankets. It just makes things more tricky for some reason, and less visual. On the plus side, I like starting things while standing, and undressing each other while standing.
As soon as my clothes start to come off I become anxious and start to lose my erection
Her making me orgasm first… penetrative sex rarely leads to an orgasm for girls (at least I find that) so if I can do other things to make her cum first, I feel like I can just enjoy it…
Hey I totally agree with you on that one man! Had sex multiple times before without issues but one time when I was drunk I wasn’t able to get hard and what ypu’ve described above has been an issue since even when sober… I just start spectating as soon as anything even begins lol… I see this was written a few months ago - have you made any progress or is there anything that has helped ?
Condom anxiety is real
I’ve always lost it only when I’ve put a condom on. I’ve been hard as wood before, the moment I put it on it’s gone. It gets in my head
thinking about coming too early
Looking for or Putting condoms, girls playing hard to get, when they want to touch it while it’s still soft
My wife and I have been together almost 20 years. We have children and sometimes sort breaks between foreplay and sex can break our flow of sex. This might be a toilet break or a feeling that I need to go to the toilet first. Or just getting up to lock the door so the kids don’t walk in during.
Its ok When i use ed medicine otherwise i can’t maintain my erection
Im in a stable relationship and have had a vasectomy so don’t use condoms. My main triggers are transitioning from foreplay to penetrative sex either missionary or cowgirl. I can withdraw and play some more but it’s a vicious cycle. When I’m soft, I’m worried it will stay soft and when I’m hard, I’m worried it will go soft. All from spectatoring.
Condoms have definitely been negative for me. Anxiety kicks in pretty much whenever the next move is made, whether it’s me or by her (so basically all of sex). I understand that I gotta break down these hyper masculine facades, but if I’m a skinny healthy 24 year old, I’d hope I can still pull off having sex even if a certain partner isn’t the best at it
For me its the transition between foreplay and sex. During foreplay everything goes great, rock solid, all good. But right when its about to happen, my mind thinks “this is it, here it comes”, and then the pressure is on and this is when spectating and subsequent fight or flight happens.
- When she tells me how bad she wants it before sex
- When we start being intimate and touching each other because I feel like I should start to feel myself getting hard
- When I try to penetrate because it’s the moment of truth
Being in the bath with my partner
Transitioning from foreplay to intercourse is where I sense the spectatoring begin. I have competing thoughts around should I take the lead or let my partner in effort to keep my mind focused on the moment. I
need another round of foreplay to get it hard again
The biggest thing I have found is confidence, of it’s with someone new I usually don’t cum even if I do get hard. I am so worried about upsetting or cumming to quickly or just not being adequate for them. Never feels like enough.
when trying to have sex