I am 18, 6 foot 2, 180 pounds, healthy, athletic, and I would consider myself above average in looks. I tend to attract a lot of female attention, and although I have relatively zero issues getting with girls, itās frustrating knowing I canāt do much with them because I can never rely on my ability to get an erection when it really matters. I can always get myself hard on my own, and have had no issues getting hard with past girlfriends for blowjobs and sex, but for some reason with hookups I canāt seem to get things to work. Since Iām so young, Iāve never really bothered with ED medication, and Iāve definitely had my fair use of porn from the age of 14 so Iāve kind of just blamed it on that. Even when I donāt watch porn, am good about the gym, eat healthy, limit alcohol intake or rule it out entirely, it happens. I feel kind of lost as to what to do and I definitely think itās a mental thing. I know what I can achieve in the bed, so whatās really tearing me down is not delivering when Iāve seen my own potential. Does anyone have any tips for how I can get over this barrier?
I hear you. That line about ānot delivering on your potentialā gets me down too. Feel like I should be near sexual peak but in reality nothing is happening. Interested to hear othersā responses.
That said, you are 18! I didnt clock that at first. So much time to figure it all out.
Donāt put the added pressure on yourself bc youāre 18, and ppl say itās your āsexual peek.ā Fuck them. This is you. Enjoy yourself. Take time to play and find out what is enjoyable to you. Connect with your body, emotions, sensations. Be present, patient, and positive. Focus on you. If you need to be greedy get you off, then eat her out.
Dude, im pretty much in the same boat. Iām 18 too, and itās only when im using condoms. Itās really disheartening. Iām trying to get the mental stuff under control, but I think I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to condoms. Best of luck to you bro
I need a emotional Connection and a certain trust. It is about to be relaxed with someone. I have/ had the same as you or similar. It works in relationships, but not with hookups and also every first time in a relationship was tricky. After this is was Ok. So to be prepared for hook-ups I had meds on me for my confidence. But to be honnest after I while I stopped it. I just realised that emotionaly I am not a ONS guy. I try to stick with Relationships, F+ and Situationships.
Iām in a similar but different space. 45 not 18 for a start, but I have no problem getting and staying hard for casual sex or more to the point, someone Iām not interested in a long term relationship with, but whenever itās with someone I really like and want something more with I struggle to get and maintain hardness or last any length of time. And of course that just snowballs with the anxiety and doubt each time it happensā¦!
Man Iām no help, but jsur commenting to help u know ur not alone. Iām 20, above avg looks, relatively larger in dick size and big into fitness and I still experience issues. Itās tough man
Iām in the same exact boat man youāre not alone, looking for answers. Really frustrating stuff.
I was you at 16, and 17, and 18. I was you again when I became single in my mid 20s. So I wonāt say that youāre so young or anything like that because I get, too, how urgent it all feels.
In no order, 3 pieces of advice:
ā Do not treat this as something you fix. Everybodyās relationship to sex is different, and fluid. There will be times this blocks you. There will be times it does not.
That doesnāt mean be fatalistic and doomed about it. When you fight the worry, you create two negative feelings, the worry and the friction. Invite the worry in. Let it stay for a while, find out what itās about. This will deepen your ability to navigate it, as a worry outside of hookups, and if it pops up while you hook up.
ā Consider what you feel in a hookup. This was a revelation for me. Because a hookup is necessarily a bit more transactional than a relationship (you and your partner are there to enjoy each otherās bodies, not build a life), it created a sense for me that if I could not be hard, I was not holding up my end of the deal, I was failing, and the sense of failing becomes feeling like a failure so easy. It makes it simple to start avoiding altogether.
Resist this. Find what hookups mean to you, and unpack that. For me it was needing to satisfy her. So I focused on other ways of doing that, other than being hard, and more often than not, giving myself fully to that experience, the sounds and the feel of it, got me out of my head enough to do more, too.
ā Be kind in your self-talk. It is so easy to develop a narrative about ourselves that we are not enough because we canāt get hard. And the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves matter a lot. Theyāre how we see who we are, and our place in intimacy.
Which is to say, hold all the good things you are closer. You are attractive. You are worthwhile beyond your attraction. You are so worthwhile that people want to experience more of you. Let them. Even if that means showing them you are not, every night, a cinematic lover.
Most of all: let them in. You decided you like each other enough to be naked together. If you treat not getting hard as something that just happens sometimes, it gives her permission to react the same way. Then youāre in it together. You can go at a different pace, you can explore what you each need.
If you decide to be naked with someone, you may as well decide to be honest too.
Im 61 and struggle to get hard with women or if I do I donāt stay hard long enough to have sex
same dude iām 19, 6ā1, 180, hockey player and gym rat, and im having the same issue. youāre not alone man
My advice to you is find the right girl. Commit to her marry her and you will have amazing sex. Were not ment for hook ups. We are meant to become one with a women . Physically, emotionally, for life. I had the same problem when I was a teenager. Turns out it wasnāt a problem it was how God designed me. He was protecting me from the hookup culture. Youāll take every one of these relationships into your marriage trust me . Donāt make the same mistake that I made thinking there was something wrong with me. Find the girl you wanna be with and live a fulfilling life!! God bless you!