I want to say since my partner and I moved in together sex has felt very organized ritualistic and lacks spontaneity. Usually my partner will say want to have sex I’ll say I’m not really in the mood but I’m open to trying and then I’ll go shower and then we try to have sex but at that point it feels so built up. And even if I feel like I’m in the mood before and we’re touching each other and making out and stuff I feel like pausing in the middle to go shower kills the vibe and I can’t bring it back
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Are you watching porn? When I watch too much porn I pretty much kill my libido and it makes me not want to have sex with my wife. When I heavily tone down my porn consumption my libido goes way up rather quickly and I want to have sex with her all the time. The problem is that she is not matching my libido, but that’s another story…
Having a routine for sex can be great. But if in your mind you’re thinking ‘after this shower I must get a boner’, it’s not going to happen. Try keeping the routine (you called it a ritual) but redefining what ‘sex’ means as broadly as possible, almost to the point of taking p-in-v off the table. See if your partner will agree to find a time to have ‘sex’, after you’ve had a shower, but you are just going to spend time together, cuddling and touching each other’s bodies and nothing else. Maybe they could help you get dry and put on lotion after your shower, or something. After you’ve done this a few times, you might find that your boner starts appearing without you even realising?
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