Sexy Scottish man visits me in US and I may have ruined it by not staying hard :(

[internal-lime-clownfish]

I feel just need to get this off my chest and struggling to talk about it to my friends. So I met a Scottish man while I was visiting Sitges over the summer. He’s so sexy, muscular but also with some meat on his bones, like in great shape but still likes pizza haha. Also charming and personable, just super easy to talk to and actually listens to what your saying.

That same night some of the people we had also just met wanted to go to a sex club. Not usually my scene since that really activates the fight or flight response…but hey when in Rome I guess haha. We were super into each other and just like feeling up, lots of touching. I tried to go down on him but he seemed nervous and didn’t want me to so I didn’t push…well not too much haha I respect consent.

Turns out he was in a monogamous relationship, unhappy though. So nothing happened but he still kept messaging even after we both were back at home. He ended up breaking up with his long-term bf and kind of jokingly asked to come visit me in the US. I was like sure I have a pull out couch you can use I didn’t think he was actually going to come but he booked a flight to come stay with me over a long weekend!

Then like 2 weeks before he was arriving, his ex assaulted him and said you already had someone lined up. “You left me for your new boyfriend!” And physically assaulted him and later a police report was filed. So I was like shit he’s under a lot of stress, needs to find a new place to live, they share a dog, among other things.

So he still came this past weekend and I tried to be like not too affectionate but stillshow him hey I’m super into you and who knows if eventually this could blossom into anything further. Let’s just get to know each other better and see where it goes.

The first night was really great, totally vibing at dinner, and seemed like we were both really into each other. He arrived that night from UK though and we were both tired, jet lag so went to bed early. I started caressing this hot burly man in my bed but he wasn’t really like feeling me back. He seemed to like it though. Then started kissing, underwear off, and he had a gorgeous uncut cock. big thick and just a pretty shape. I was like you have an amazing cock and he was like “I know”. Cocky asshole.

I’m average not really that thick. So we continued messing around…And then I got in my head!!! My self critic! Is he going to like my penis, is it too small considering his is pretty damn big. Does he really like you or just feels he has to do this now that he’s staying here. I don’t know if you’ll be able to bottom this right now. Does this have no future. Like a million thoughts a minute.

So yeah I couldn’t keep an erection. He ended up coming by himself and I’m like there’s no way I’m going to be able to come. It all happened pretty quickly too honestly. Wasn’t really much foreplay. Then fooled around again the morning after and kind of the same. Don’t let it happen again where your not hard. Your going to ruin this. Why can’t you keep it up with this super handsome hot man with a british/Scottish accent in your bed? Then he came again and again I did not.

I also knew he just got out of relationship and wasn’t expecting to get in one right away. So was trying to play a balance of like not being clingy but still showing interested. Ugh I was so in my head I couldn’t relax.

We still ended up having a really great weekend together seeing sites, met my friends, and was just overall pleasant. He said he was super relaxed and happy and that’s honestly what I was trying for the most since I know he was in a stressful situation back home. He did give me some unsolicited advice that I need to trust myself more and to not second guess myself

I just feel like I ruined any potential for the future by not being able to relax and stay hard. He asked if he could come back or I go to UK or something which is a good thing if happens. Ugh my self critic did a doozy on me/still doing a doozy honestly since I’m over analyzing basically everything.

Sorry I just needed to get that down in writing. And I need to get myself in a different mind set. Not let that happen again if there is another future meet up haha. Any constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated!

[gleaming-aquamarine-tahr]

Hey mate — another LGBT fellow here. Similar thing happens to me. Normally I do not have a problem getting hard, but especially when I hook up with a really handsome man, I think I get in my head and my dick does not get super hard. This almost never happens when I hook up with guys that I think are not as good looking as I am (not saying it any arrogant way). I think there might be something underneath this about my self critic. I don’t know how to solve it though.

[internal-lime-clownfish]

Thanks for sharing. I actually came to the same epiphany after I wrote all that down. I looked back and the only times I’ve had trouble staying super hard is with very attractive men. But guys not as attractive as me like you said no problem. I feel with really attractive guys I focus more on them, like are they having a good time, how do I compare since they probably have a lot of sex, more on how they are feeling vs me being in the moment. Not as attractive guys I basically just do whatever the hell I want, like they’ll enjoy whatever I do just being here naked with me if that makes sense. Ironically, that selfish attitude probably makes both actually have a much better time.
This reassures me this is probably fairly common so I’m sure there’s tricks…improving self confidence and self worth likely a big part. There is hope!

[legislative-orange-tiger]

I’m not LGBT, but he said he had a great time, and he wants to see you again, there’s no problem in that regard, you won though!