My fiancé and I were kissing and she took me to the bedroom to have sex, we started without a condom which is normal, and everything was going great but I wanted to make it last longer so I went to grab a condom in the other room. Sure enough when I go by to put it on I’m fumbling and worried about keeping my erection. It’s happened loads of times with other women and her so was naturally letting thoughts creep into my head . I felt like I had disappointed her and she had recently expressed intimacy issues so I was all anxious.
Negative thoughts: she’s not sexually satisfied and we are going to fail and she’ll leave me. She’s never going to be happy with me.
Fact check: this doesn’t happen every time. Keep a condom nearby and transition quicker. She’s satisfied when I started so I’m not a complete failure.
The last time I had sex with my wife I lost my erection. My wife was horny during the day and she texted me saying she wanted to have sex later that night. I kept reassuring my self it would work for her but when the time come… well neither of us did. I felt like I let my wife down because she wanted it during the day so badly.
Fact. If I didn’t keep thinking about it all day, when the time come I would have smashed it lol.
Truth. She didn’t give a shit she said we will try again in the morning
Every time it doesn’t work it just gets worse the next time - I spiral into expecting not to get hard next time and the cycle repeats. This is negative thinking and it should help to stay positive.
My partner will eventually leave me of i can’t get it up.
What is wrong with me that I can’t stay hard when I’m this turned on? I had masterbated earlier in the day. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for round two. She probably thinks I don’t find her attractive. She said it was fine. I was the one to initiate so she should know how I feel about her. She probably won’t even want to try next time.
I need to feel emotionally secure before I feel physically stimulated. Mad sex or argument sex doesn’t work. My mental state must be calm and relaxed for my to physically relax and let the blood flow. Anxiety sucks.
I had a new partner and I got quite nervous that I wasn’t able to satisfy her sexually due to my previous experience. Lo and behold, I lost my erection halfway through and wasn’t able to finish the job. While she was very loving and understanding while also being fully sexually satisfied, I wasn’t feeling quite the same as I thought I would never be able to have sex with her ever again. I started using mojo, doing the activities and exercises, reworking my thoughts and last time she came over, my little buddy came through and I am slowly reprogramming my thoughts
Couldn’t get fully hard oand stay erect for sex with a prostitute
Remember a recent negative sexual experience that stands out.
The thing got down when I was with girl last time.
Write down 1 or 2 negative thoughts you had during this moment.
- She was disappointed, and she was worried about the future of her sex life.
- I was worried that she might leave me or not marry or this is over.
Think about which category each negative thought falls into.
- Catastrophizing, Fortune telling, Mind reading
Fact-check your thinking. Write down evidence for and against these thoughts. Avoid “I think like…” or “I feel like…”. Only write down hard facts.
- She was disappointed, which expressed after the trip, we didn’t really discuss it there.
- she did accept my proposal, and it wasn’t and it isn’t over
Next, for each negative thought, write down an alternative thought that:
1.Is logical
2.Could be true
3.Makes sense to you
- I was probably under a lot of pressure in that moment to perform
- I’m glad we discussed it later
I had this problem before, the first time I went to have sex with my now ex Girlfiend. negative feedback loop- eventually I didn’t overthink it and we dated for 3 years and I never would even think about it. Before I broke up with her my mind would race with thoughts like “what if what happened 3 years ago happens with other girls because I don’t know them” and it did happen. Rock hard during foreplay, even naked kissing and touching. As soon as I hear words about putting it in, I begin to freakout inside because I worry that it will happen, which causes it to because I’m no longer turned on I’m too worried and focused about keeping it up. I know that it’s not an issue, as I’ve had sex hundreds of times, I just need to relax enjoy the moment and move on.
I find myself fixated on not getting hard with my initial connection with a partner and think I’m a failure. I have to understand that it’s my first time with them, and cannot expect it to be fireworks off the bat.
I need to be kind to myself, and focus on all the great sex I’ve had. Restructuring the inner critic could help with this.
I couldn’t get fully erect. The sex was mediocre because I couldn’t fully perform. I made excuses. I’m dreading doing it again because I think it will be worse next time.
My sexual negative thoughts seem to have happened during a very stressful, life changing work experience over the past year to 18 months.
I have many of the negative thoughts categorized in this exercise at work. I expect the worst to
happen, don’t think I’m good enough, don’t belong etc.
So I’m working on reprogramming those thoughts as well as the sexual ones.
I am not dependant on aphrodisiacs ( epimedium ) to get hard. My mind is the the one pulling the strings and i need to get him on my side.
I’ve only gotten worse with time. Pills no longer work. Doctors ensure that nothing is wrong. My testosterone levels are extremely high, but I’m still cursed with this issue. My life would 10x better if I could be fixed.
Me not wanting sex with women because I wasn’t able to get it up two times
My thought was that, compared to my partner, I wasn’t as easily hard, nor would I achieve the hardness they have. Not only was I feeling lesser for it, I was also feeling guilty as an erection is a raw representation of desire which they might see as an insult for lacking. Making them feel bad about themselves.
Writing it down along the other thoughts made me come closer to be at peace with those experiences. That they are temporary and not always the case. That communication has always made things clear with my partners.
That I won’t ever get hard during sex and that I can’t get hard. But I know I can as it happened with my ex wife and was fine once I was out of my head and steady.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to get it up before it even happened (fortune telling). I didn’t get it up, thats true, BUT it’s also true that I could have, I’ve gotten it up through sex before, I get hard all the time, and maybe it was influenced from being drunk and high.
Rethinking the though, I only had it because I was afraid but there really was nothing to fear! In addition to my physical state, I knew I had disregarded an opportunity to be open about these feeling during a conversation around it days before.