Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

For me what stands out is categorical imperative. I know she wants me hard, and before an encounter even starts, I’m worried about doing it. Which doesn’t make physical sense. I get hard all the time. But I k ow I’m in my head, and getting hung up about it means I worry and stress about it, and either I can’t get it up, or I lose it shortly after

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I finally got hard and then came in two seconds. Immediately I thought she was going to leave me. To be honest, she almost did. That’s what motivated me to find this app. We’re now working through it.

Understanding how my mind works and how to change the negative narratives will help eventually. I know this isn’t a quick fix, but each session seems to be a step in the right direction.

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I usually have a hard time getting erections and mos.of the times I ejaculate prematurely, but some times when Im not in my head I can get hard and have sex for several minutes… I usually think Im always having trouble getting hard but that’s not true,.not ways has to be like that

I never used to go soft. After 13yrs with my wife this only started a few months ago. I started to worry about getting and staying hard and it affected me. Im also worried that my wife would prefer using her toys rather than making love to me. She tells me all the time that she prefers the close intimacy with me. All of this is in my head as there is nothing physically wrong with me. Last night I got hard and stayed hard till my wife had a huge orgasm. Was a big step in the right direction. I finally feel validated again. Every session helps.

I want to think that I am broken and just simply can’t get hard but that’s not true. I am rock hard every morning and I am turned on by my wife, I just need to learn to get out of my head

I ofte fortune tell or mind read during sex. Which takes me away from the moment and ends being self fulfilling. It’s unnecessary pressure. I’ve done this successfully thousand of times and often I forget that. The truth is if it goes great then great. If not that’s fine too.

It’s usually feelings of inadequacy for me

Things are improving! After a disappointing sexual experience, my wife and I were able to discuss what was needed in order to improve — mainly I had been stressed and needed to feel relaxed and accepted to be able to fully function sexually. The next day, we tried massage and non-sexual touch, then sexual touch without penetration, but specifically said we wouldn’t pressure ourselves to have penetration. Just removing this pressure helped me heal a huge part of my sexual anxiety and now I feel like we are in a new chapter of our sex life.

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This is fascinating, I think a lot of mine fall into the mind reading category (“she’s not enjoying herself”), and the categorical imperative, (its supposed to feel really good all the time, we’re supposed to be moaning, we both have to orgasm)
There’s also another category, I’ll need to check which one (if i don’t make her cum I’m a failure and a disappointment)
Anyway, the point is I’ve always had these expectations of myself of how sex is meant to be, and I’ve always strived to achieve them.
Over the years is had gotten harder (ha, pun unintended), to achieve my expectations and I’ve become more numb. Physically and emotionally, all because of this ‘perfect’ idea of what “should” be happening in sex.

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I’m mainly fortune telling and making up a problem that doesn’t even have to be. The fact that I kinda already knew that made it seem less solvable. But being aware of the exact thoughts that led to the ed happening and finding a rational replacement seems to put my mind into a good condition for having sex.

I want to please my woman and I associate my performance with her satisfaction, cuz she wants to turn me on. But overthinking it only creates a loop of performance anxiety. It’s a bad cycle. Truth is she’s already told me I don’t have to feel any pressure, it’s ME who’s adding the pressure. So I used the breathing techniques to relax, stay in the moment, and focus on our connection, instead of focusing on the end product. Enjoy the experience like I’m a teenager getting it for the first time, get out of my head and into the moment

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I usually assume what the other person is thinking. I assume they’re thinking the worst of me, like why isn’t he hard or why is it taking so long. This kind of pressure really hurts me, as most women aren’t like this. There has only been one in my past that has been like this, and we just didn’t have chemistry. And I think I project this experience onto other women and assume they’re thinking the same. The reality is that even if I don’t get it up consistently with other women, most of the times they still enjoy themselves and cuddle with me and have good pillow talk. My confidence deserves to be up, most women still enjoy their time with me.

I often have most of these themes come out and it’s amazing how upsetting they are and focused on the negative

I’m a trans girl, so my negative thought patterns are a bit different? ‘I’ll bet she finds me unattractive’ she’s fucking you… it’s cool

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Most of my latest negative thoughts have been mind reading and assuming my partner wasn’t enjoying themselves which may or may not be true but going forward I should try to not assume those things and focus on the experience.

My negative thoughts run wild if I lose an erection and go to “why would she love me after this” or something like that. I also worry that even when we do have sex that she isn’t satisfied and she’s just saying that she is so I think I need to examine why I distrust her words and do trust my inner critic even when she’s actually telling me she likes it.

When my wife suddenly wants it or we find ourselves in a situation where we could (baby is sleeping, with grandma, etc) suddenly I feel this pressure. Like better take a small bit of boner pill for insurance. This immediately puts me in my head instead of enjoying how sexy and seductive she is being

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I have the simple thought of ‘I’ll never be able to get an erection and she’ll leave me’. Easy to catastrophise there! My rational response is that, while I can’t guarantee that everything will be fine, I do know that I’m addressing the psychological barriers to sex in my mind, learning how to focus and be present rather than activating the fight-or-flight response, which can only be a positive thing

Same here mate. Thought it was a physical issue but looks like it’s in my head. Just out pressure in myself. Then fail because of the pressure and use that failure the next time keep the cycle going. Taken a bit of blue pill “to be safe” and when that doesn’t work makes it even worse.

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