Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

  • I have had inconsistent erections for 3.5 years with my former partner and have never cum inside a Partner
  • There were few days when I did have an erection and sex was decent
  • I have been a smoker all my life and was not in great shape. But now I’ve quit and have gotten in much better shape as well.

That I will never get over my problem. I know that there is plenty I can do to improve my situation. Each day with a little effort I am getting better and better.

After my first weekend togheter with my girlfriend I struggled to get it up every time we tried. It was embarrassing and it felt that we were entering a doomed relationship of unsatisfying sex life. I felt I wasnt enough for her.

Facts: She was incredibly supportive and mentioned that sex wasn’t the priority in the relationship. Plus we have had sexual encounters before where I had a full erections the entire time. I don’t understand what happened that weekend but I know I can revert it back to normal

Last time I had sex, my partner needed to use the toilet after foreplay. Although I was hard at the time I had the sinking feeling that I wouldn’t be able to maintain an erection until she came back. Lo and behold I lost my erection and spent the next few minutes not being able to get out of my head.

The fact is that I was hard earlier and was ready for sex, what stopped me were my irrational thoughts. If I can get hard just from her kissing me, I can definitely stay hard for sex.

My initial thought is why would I put myself in a situation where it’s not going to work anyways and I’ll be embarrassed. THis is a massive overgeneralisation because it doesn’t happen all the time, but I have created a self-fulfilling story by disengaging anyways. I know I won’t get out of the thought loop until I try and break through it.

I worry about my ability to stay hard daily and don’t want the embarrassment and strain I cause with my wife. She thinks it’s because I am no longer attracted to her but I am. I’m just scared to even try. I need to reframe and reconnect

After struggling with porn for a while. I assumed that pied is a natural next step, so it’s a thought I’ve had for a while. Yet ive had great sex recently, but only used the most recent evidence of erection loss to convince myself i have a problem. The loss of efection is the exception, not the rule.

Had an issue during what was going to be morning sex where I lost my erection before we ever really started, we did talk about this as it seems to be hit or miss. I find that I am always in my head though

Disqualifying the positive. Believe when she said she had a good time, believe when she is happy. My performance does not directly correlate to her experience.

Categorical Imperative about the “should”, should’ves.

I’m going to lose it again
I’m going to struggle with this all over again.

It didn’t end bad and I was in control. I was able to easily finish and enjoy sex

I’m caught in a spot where I don’t even want to try because I am scared of failing. I have to change my thinking on that

I can reprogram my thinking. It is okay to have thoughts, but i should let those thoughts pass. Once I start thinking about those thoughts, problems arise.

She was disappointed. There was no evidence she was. She actually told me to stop saying sorry. And wanted me to stay the night. It’s not as important to her as I make it seem

Being able to cum is important in a relationship

I have lost an erection twice with a new partner when asked to put the condom on. I think both times I was taken a little by surprise and not fully expecting to have sex and not fully done mentally with foreplay.
I think in both occasions, I was not mentally in a place where I was fully prepared to be asked for sex. And I was already anxious from various moments leading up to this point.
I recognize that feeling comfortable and safe going in is important. And I recognize I’m with a partner that has been showing understanding and patience with me developing this comfort.

I’m going to be so focused on how hard I get that I will psych myself out of getting hard. Instead I can focus on connecting with my wife to keep fight or flight out.

She’s so disappointed, I should be hard, my cock is so disappointing

I’d like to reprogram the thought battle that’s going on right now. The “you’re going to have great love making tonight” thought is winning, but the negatives (“the negs”) are still standing around being stubborn. I’m gonna reprogram in order to focus on this beautiful woman that about to walk through my door. I’m not gonna even think about the sex, I’m gonna think about how much pleasure she gives me. Not sexual, not emotional, not beauty wise, not intelligence… just how much pleasure it is when she is around and pretty much doing nothing.

I lost it during because I was worried I’d finish too quickly. I wanted to delay finishing and ended up worrying about finishing which then meant I couldn’t. But she’d finished first, and was supportive and kind afterwards. We’d had a good time and it wasn’t the end of the world.