Hey, I’m new to this app, and trying to finally take control of my PE. I’m a 29 year old bisexual man. I am now in a very healthy and happy marriage with my husband of 2 years. However we’ve never been able to have penetrative sex because i always cum just as we’re about to have sex, so our sex life is predominantly foreplay (which i find embarrassing as we’re married without actual sex)
I had only dated girls before, however in those relationships i realised i struggled badly with premature ejaculation and never managed to last long either. Two of my previous girlfriends started to regularly make fun of me for it, showed their frustration, making me feel bad as if it is my fault, made me paranoid and less of a man for it. And inevitably broke up with me because of it too.
It has left such a lasting impact on my sex life. Not only can i not improve my PE, i also now have very negative thoughts about myself, strong performance anxiety, and fear of my husband wanting to eventually leave me just like those girlfriends did. Sex has never been an enjoyable thing for me. And i want to break the cycle and take back control. I want to enjoy sex and have fun with it finally!
Has anyone else dealt with this type of PTSD and performance anxiety? How have you broken that cycle and taken back control and confidence to improve your PE?
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Hello, I had similar PTSD struggles in the past with ED rather than PE, but hopefully what helped me can help you. First step is being completely honest with your partner about your struggles, so they can support you with reassurance when you need it. This will help a lot. Secondly, keep awareness of the issue, don’t try and avoid it because if you try and avoid it then it will keep on winning every time. If you know it you can get the better of it. Stay calm in the stressful moments and celebrate any wins, no matter how small.
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I agree with safe-teal-mink. The best thing you can do is talk with your spouse about it and get support. I’m working on some similar issues so I hear you!
I really appreciate both of your responses. Luckily my partner is extremely supportive and has told me that he doesn’t care and it doesn’t bother him. My worry is that it will eventually.
I try my hardest to talk openly with him but it’s difficult when i have so much shame in it myself. I’m taking positive steps to finally take action on it because it’s gone on so long.
I’ve now spoken with a doctor who has said couples sex therapy might help so we are on the waiting list (which might take over 6 months to see someone), they proscribed me medication to try, i tried that on the weekend when i masturbated but it made me extremely depressed the next day, i tried numbing cream, and then after all of that i decided to join this app which im actually really finding reassuring. It doesn’t help that my partners sex drive seems to have dropped and i blame myself for that. But im working on bettering myself right now and i will keep focus on that
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Ok-- totally out there, and really take it or leave it, but having been gay my whole life, I am acutely aware that when it’s just men, blowing your load doesn’t mean the party is over, especially if you are both versatile. So, just because you’re spent doesn’t mean he can’t go around back. It also doesn’t mean your jaw is wired shut! Have you tried just shifting focus? You’re spent, so focus on him, or let him focus on your other tremendously significant errogenous zone. Who knows–perhaps relaxing, opening, and riding those waves of pleasure will “perk” you back up!!