I’m just writing this here in case someone has had similar experiences and finds their way here. I really just want to describe my situation so anyone else that went through this feels less alone.
This will sound like bragging, but I used to be a machine in bed. I could easily get hard and get in a mental/physical zone where I delayed orgasm during intercourse and that resulted in desensitization while still maintaining a full erection. I could somehow do this at will. This was during my hoeing around phase, hooking up randomly off Tinder. Not only that, but I was ready to go again in 10 minutes. It was great, and the fact that it lasted so long made orgasms amazing.
Then one day I met a woman who was extremely attractive and we had great sexual chemistry. We ended up in a relationship. And my “abilities” continued… until several months in and her toxic traits had emerged full force. She used sex as a means of control, and no matter what she did wrong, if she ever felt she had to “apologize” - the words “I’m sorry” never came out of her mouth. She “apologized” with sex or blowjobs.
Her behaviour and emotional abuse got worse and worse until finally my friends convinced me I had to get out (they had been trying to convince me for almost a year at this point). The breakup was everything but pleasant, as you might imagine. She went ballistic, stalked me and my friends, to the point I literally had to get a restraining order against her.
After a few months I was ready to hoe around again and… my sexual prowess was gone. I could barely get hard. When I did, I could barely last. I didn’t understand. I was in good health, I ate right, I worked out. I tried supplements to fill any dietary gaps. I tried adding more cardio. I even tried Cialis and Viagra and somehow even they didn’t help. I was thinking maybe I had a testosterone issue or something. But still, I kept trying/hooking up. My tongue and fingers still worked fine after all.
And then I met another woman. The way she spoke to me, the way she expressed herself and what she liked about me/my body, and how she reacted to me was very different than random hookups up til then. And somehow, with her, I was suddenly back. I could get hard instantly, last a long time, and when I’d see her walking shakily to get a glass of water afterwards, the way she held on to the wall just ignited my arousal again, minutes after I’d finished. If we had enough in common to be in a relationship, the story would have ended there. But no, it wasn’t to be.
But it made me realize the issue MUST be psychological. If everything was back to normal with this one girl, but not others, then she was muting whatever it was in my head that was keeping me from performing like I used to. If it was a physical issue, it would be universal.
So that’s how I ended up here. Trying to find what it is that my toxic relationship planted in my head and remove it. So if you had an experience like that, know that you’re not alone and it can definitely cause issues with your trouser snake.
I can already tell that I’m slowly getting better. I get hard easier/faster. I last longer even when I masturbate. I figured out that when I was entering “the zone” where I couldn’t finish, part of that was subconsciously doing kegels/reverse kegels mid-intercourse. The first time I did the reverse levels exercise here it felt so familiar and it didn’t hit me until I tried it while masturbating. It took so long to finish and felt as intense as the orgasms I used to have.
I feel like I’m well on my way. Fingers crossed that Mojo gets me back to how I was in the sexual department. And all of you, too, even if you never developed the subconscious “tricks” I did before my issue started.