Yes, I’ve had a recent problem with new partners after a very long-term relationship - being able to get it up, but not being able to maintain.
It IS an in-my-head kind of a thing. Over-thinking your performance can cause subsequent anxiety, and then it’s hard to get out of that cycle and you just lose it.
Something I’ve been working on is to take the opportunity to explore other things besides penetrative sex, and that’s helped restore some of my confidence in the bedroom. There’s a lot of ways to have sex that don’t involve an erection - ask her what she likes, or what she would like (and not just when everybody’s already naked, as I’ve learned recently is super not the best time to figure that stuff out as it breaks the flow).
Along those lines, what I’ve found has helped me get back into it is is just reasserting some confidence and control in the bedroom, and having an idea of what everyone likes and doesn’t gives you a bit more of that control and confidence. I think when you feel more like a passive participant or when things are still a little bit awkward you tend to fall into spectator mode. It’s a hard thing to sort out with a new partner as you sort out the roles and how you both like to be with each other, but being able to feel like I’m in control of the level of passion in the room is really something that helps me get out of my head and back into my body and has been tremendously helpful sexually.
Yea I’ve been out of a serious relationship for 2 years. Have had a couple others flings with moderate success. But I’m in a new one now and we haven’t done much, mainly cause of my anxiety. A couple of times I just did not want to fully go for it out of fear. It’s always awkward to talk about, especially in the beginning. I’m big to try a lot of foreplay first and oral but a lot of times they don’t seem to want to. I feel like it helps if they want to do that. My other big problem is that it’s just led to depression and anxiety almost every day. I’m even thinking about my problems at work or when I’m out with friends. It makes it really difficult to deal with.
I was in a relationship, and we started having sex completely fine. As the relationship went on, i was unable to get an erection and since we broke up a few weeks ago, i have been unable to get hard with 2 partners.
Kinda a similar thing. Was dating this girl for five months, but I fall super fast, always have. She moved in, cheated, I moved out. Started dating again, met this super awesome girl, never had erection issues before (I’m 20) and BAM whenever we’re about to have sex I either can’t get hard or stay hard. I really like her and I’m really scared and idk what to do.
Going through the exact same thing myself!
Same story here, brother. After a painful breakup (we were together for four and a half years) I found this new, very attractive and actualy a hundred times more sexual girl. We are together for 4 months and things are literally up and down all the time. One week ago I was not able to have an erection and since then I am having different bad scenarios going on. Hard to get up or hard not to cum very fast , losing an erection when switching poses… Not found a solution yet, but you are not alone
Sorry you’re going through that too man. I definitely know it’s about getting out of your head but yeah I really like this girl so of course easier said than done. Keep going man I know we’ll all be able to figure this out.
Seems we all have the same problem to varying degrees, which is reassuring in one way, though offcourse terrible in another, because… well, we all know how it feels.
In my case, I met a new partner recently, and she is amazing. Everything I think I am looking for and very attractive to me. We have been seeing eachother for around 3 months… lots of none stop amazing sex (with the help of pills) and then…bam, I started over thinking what I was doing. Now my anxiety is through the roof and have on a number of occasions not been able to perform. I know I can albeit with help from pills, but the pressure I’ve put on myself makes it go soft. So frustrating and I know disappointing to my partner. Lots of work to do, but goddamn we all need to get through this!
I relate to so many stories here. A marriage that turned bad, including the sex. Broke up, had some initial wild sex assisted with viagra - was so afraid I couldn’t perform without it. But then viagra became less effective because the doubts in my head kept growing, unlike my dick. I have above average testosterone levels - so it’s all in my head. Since I’ve joined Mojo I feel like I could actually solve this ED thing.
I can totally relate to this. I am in similar journey. I am new to fixing this problem, so any help / guidance is super useful.
I’m in same situation. Love to know exercises to help!!
Yes, this is exactly my problem. This is my first time using this app so I am trying all options. I tried ED pills and cock rings and still went flat. I have high hopes for the MOJO approach
Yeah I’m there as well. Was with someone and then the relationship ended. Having some issues since then, especially when she let things essentially be told to everyone in her family about certain things, it broke me. But not being too much in my head helps. And doing whatever I can to take the weekly steps in improving is how I track my progress
Do you have any advice regarding Peyronies disease? I have developed a strong curvature in my erect Penistone, which makes it harder to maintain an election and causes my wife some discomfort too
Porn has killed it for me. I struggle with erection problems and I watch porn and masterbate a lot. I have a partner,been with her about 12 years. I find it very difficult to deal with as I used to have a ridiculous sex drive. So much so that in the past it has led me to be unfaithful. Looking back it was potentially a sex addiction,and now it seems to have traded places for a porn addition. The thought of having sex leads to massive sexual anxiety,and the erection problems.
This is exactly what I’m dealing with
Hey everyone I had a major porn and masterbation problem for the last 10 years and now I’m about a year without and I recently am in a new relationship and we tried to have sex the other day and I wasn’t able to keep my erection, super frustrating it happened in my last relationship as well which may have been why it ended anyone else go through anything like this and be able to recover? I want to have sex so bad but this stupid problem is killing me!!!
While reading this I feel I’m in a very similar situation… 20 years long term (with kids) breakup then a shorter relationship that was too soon after that… 1.5 years of counselling and arrive at finding a new partner… great connection, lots of communication… lots of sex but I’m finding myself losing my erection very easily and wander off into thought particularly sabotaging or negative thought… now I feel I’m anxious about getting anxious during sex and it makes me slightly apprehensive. Well a lot apprehensive sometimes… looking forward to see what MOJO has to offer in terms of advice…
Have you considered it might be hidden resentment towards women? Maybe your last woman in a vulnerable relationship acted as the catalyst to your inability to be yourself with the opposite sex due to unfortunate negative experience of the breakup. Inability to trust yourself with someone again and it correlates to sexualy intimacy. I am at the point personally right now trying to dig deeper into my psyche to see if the root might be that.
Alao wanted to add my opinion on why porn is so effective for errections versus real life or maybe why your own self ability to have erections in private have to do with your version of safe female interaction because the version of your woman, you can be yourself entirely by trusting in that fantasy. So thebissue is notnporn as they say but with unwillingness to trust yourself with the world and vulnerable intimacy with the person. This can be noticed with your inability to make new friends as well. Feeling misunderstood, etc etc. Blaming others for your own issues.
I am going through the same issue, I will start hard and then my ex pops in my head and I lose it.