Lost Track - How to re-start

I was doing OK at the beginning but have recently lost track and focus of the phases (got to the beginning of phase 7). I haven’t done anything for about three weeks and found that I’ve regressed into old habits e.g. watching porn etc which I recognise as a stress / depression coping mechanism.

I found the course had become difficult to follow e.g. some days too much and also should I continue with exercises from previous phases and particularly the sections requiring a partner - I don’t have one any longer.

Don’t know where to begin again?

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Agreed on the course track, I’m hoping Mojo comes up with an update soon. I’d recommend doing the pelvic floor workouts as well as the meditations daily as they it’s a combined 15 mins each day so it’s not too hard to fit it into your daily routine

I did find the pelvic floor workouts to be quite helpful, I did notice a difference, and the meditation was beneficial (was also using the Headspace app for this too). I’ll try to return to them.

I think it was working until the exercises required the input from a partner (GF has broken up with me) so for now no hope on this front. The fallout of the breakup was a big contributor to losing track, not in a great place mentally.

I think also if a day or two were missed then the rollover of the exercises could accumulate excessively.

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It’s really common to feel sometimes ‘off track’ with any ‘treatment’ program, especially in psychosexual work. Often it is helpful to feel some self compassion - go back to the start - noticing thoughts and feelings and the second or third time round - you will get more out of it. Don’t beat yourself up - your’e doing it!

I’ve also been continuing to pay for the app but have been off track with it probably for at least 4-5 months at this point. I also found the number of tasks overwhelming to do after a certain point. I got to Phase 7/8 or so. I’m literally almost done. I felt like I didn’t need to do them or deprioritized it because a lot of my sexual problems went away, but I also recognized the sexual problems aren’t there when you have good partners or the right partner. I often opt for solo masturbation over partner sex now because it’s more fulfilling. As a gay man, I found partners were too rough, too fast, too grabby, too disconnected, and too eager to do penetrative sex too fast when I need more slow, connected tantra sex lol. I view it as my energy not connecting with a disconnected sex outlet that some seem to use sex for. I’m not really worried about my sex life though right now and am happily perpetually single. I do worry that if I ignore it it will disappear completely though in that I don’t seem to want to deal with other people’s needs at this point in my life more than my own, especially since the idea of being in a relationship for me is that I lose my independence and end up serving others too much. F that. I’m 38 and have done 13ish years of therapy at this point and am just figuring I may as well accept that I’m a single person who thrives being single and can only connect in certain ways with limited types of people and only sometimes.

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Solo masturbation is lovely and I’ve found it very fulfilling as well. I think it’s a great place to be if that’s how you’re feeling @novel-indigo-meadowlark. I’m sure you can find a partner that’s interested in what you’re looking for, too, when/if you’re ready to seek a partner. A lot of guys are finding they identify as a “side” where penetrative sex isn’t the endgame. I totally relate.

I’ve been on this journey for at least a couple of years now. I think we find ourselves looking for specific steps on a detailed path to “cured,” but I’ve found this process to be deeply personal and uniquely complex. Sexuality touches so many aspects of my mental health and is intertwined with various narratives that have governed the way I’ve seen myself my whole life. First and foremost I think we need to be confident in/with our own body, and there is so much pleasure and satisfaction to be found there. But erection difficulties are most often present with a partner so having a supportive partner to bring what we learn from our solo play to is really important, and where things traditionally get the most tricky for me. I’ve approached my erection difficulties from many angles. Mojo has been maybe 20% of my overall plan during this time. It was an early primary resource for a while and I’ve carried several things from it, but have also augmented my understanding from various other sources (therapy, books, online information, mushrooms, etc.) I have a supportive partner but finding the time and energy to practice—not to mention reprogram our understanding of our sexual relationship—can be challenging. I felt like I wasn’t “going anywhere” on this front for periods of time and kept talking to my partner and letting the path forward unfold pretty organically. I feel like I loaded up on information and had to process that for a while. I got much less concerned about “results” and quietly started to incorporate what felt right, when it felt right. There have been bumps and doubts, and successes. Progress is slow, but (at least in my case) my difficulties were deeply rooted and developed over a long time, so I’ve tried to be patient in unraveling them.

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That’s really helpful - thank you.

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