Hey all - first post here. So many questions but also so glad to have found a place and an app to talk through stuff.
Struggled with ED for years, tho I’m not sure it’s actually ED? 15 year marriage rife with emotional abuse (long story, she was diagnosed but unmedicated with several mental illnesses…) so sometimes it was hard to know: do I have ED, or do I just have a complete and total lack of interest in sex?
Divorced, dating again, met an amazing woman… and I’ve seen I have zero problems GETTING hard, and can even STAY hard for long periods during foreplay, etc. so long as I largely stay out of my own head. If I’m focused on her? Man I am raging hard. If I start to think, “Hmm… am I still hard?” it like snowballs and I keep thinking about it and… well… you all know how that goes.
But the thing that has been with me since even being married and is consistent: if my heart rate goes way up? My erection disappears almost immediately.
i.e. slow penetration/thrusting? All good. But if she wants it hard/fast (my ex ONLY wanted to be pounded hard)… man I can do it for maybe a few seconds before I can feel my heart pounding and I instantly go full soft. When married I figured it was more psychological since the last many years, I was forcing myself to have sex with her.
I’m reasonably fit. 6’2, 215, hit the gym 5-6 days a week, with 2-3 of those days being low cardio (admittedly in “zone 2” 115bpm on the elliptical for 60 mins). I’m going to start doing more like 130bpm for 60 mins to see how that helps.
Cardiologist says I’m healthy. ED meds don’t seem to have ANY impact on this specific issue.
Anybody else overcome this? Maybe some mental games/tricks to play on yourself? Or did you uncover an actual physical problem?