Is it possible sexual trauma gets worse with time?

(Trigger warning)

I have recently taken some time to accept that I have huge issues around sex. I am not really sure where to begin.

I had an experience or 2 when I was younger that has were non consensual and I feel I may have instilled the idea of making it end quickly and now I’m stuck with that reaction to sex.

I never thought to address it because I’m safe and I was never harmed during the process. I have had good sex in the past and people have enjoyed sex with me… however I have always had this feedback after sex after a big night of drinking or drugs. I think perhaps it’s a dissociation in the moment that allows me last a lot longer.

Sober sex makes me hugely nervous like to the stage my body shakes when I know it’s going to happen. I used to think this was normal and now I really am questioning what I know about sex and what is normal.

I want to enjoy sex, but at this stage I have become so accustomed to avoiding it I’m stuck between do I even like sex? Or do I pretend not to like it for my own safety.

I would love to know if anyone else out there has had a similar mindset and where to begin? I don’t know if it’s my relationship with sex or my sexuality that I am struggling with. I know it’s a lot of work but I want to be sure I’m spending the time working on the right thing.

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Hey mate,
First of all I am sorry to hear of your experience, it is a very big thing to talk about and have the courage to talk about. You seem to have been thinking though your thoughts to try and unpack them to work through it. Well done mate it’s a big thing to tackle and you will be much better off for doing so. It may not be easy but worth it.
I don’t have personal experience with what you have discussed but know someone who has. My suggestion would be to find a professional you are comfortable with, that has experience in the field of what you experienced to help you work through if you are able.

Hope my thoughts help somewhat.
We are all here to support you on your path.

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Im sorry to hear that you have had some traumatic sexual experiences. It sounds like you have begun your own therapeutic journey and are coming to have a nuanced and thoughtful approach to how the e experience has impacted your sex life. I haven’t experienced any sexual trauma, but I can relate to your comments about substance use and sex.

I have never had issues with ED, but have had issues with lasting and PE during sex. I’ve noticed when I am single this problem had led to me seeking alcohol or other substances prior to sexual encounter. I felt that I would perform much better if I used substances to 1) curb the anxiety and help with my nerves, and 2) to help me last longer during sex. I found this to be true when I was single, because I was meeting new people I wanted to meet the “sexual expectations” my date might have had.

The dangerous thing is that this actually worked. But it definitely had unintended consequences, and I found myself feeling the urge to drink more during dates, especially if I knew it might lead to sex. This was just all around an unhealthy habit.

It seems you have learned to develop a nuanced and critical approach to your use of substances and how they relate to your sex life. It’s worth noting that trauma is very complex and is worth seeking the advice from an expert. Best of luck!

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