Concerned that this is how I react while in the moment
I was so focused on trying to get something out of the exercise, I completely forgot about my inner voice. Only real thing that I did think, was I wonder why I’m not getting an erection from playing with it? Overall it wasn’t super weird, or super helpful… just playing and observing my flaccid penis… not sure what I am meant to take away from this, but I understand first time with anything doesn’t always yield results.
That I do not like my penis. Made me think why do I hate it so much!. This is a good exercise
got very concerned about the size. did a little self hate session.
Focus disturb
Weird that I’m not getting an erection from touching my soft penis
My inner critic was saying that you’ve betrayed me so many times looking like that and now I should just sit here and play with it? But it was nice. I saw that I got proud of myself when I started having a semi and then I kept wanting more from it and so I wanted to keep pushing it and the more I did the more it went back down.
I didn’t notice the first time. More felt sad, my todger has been through a lot. Not got the best of treatment from me.
Scared about what would happen if I remain soft
And please my partner
“Yeah, yeah, this isn’t going to work. You used be on top of you game but things have changed and maybe you’re over the hill”
Didn’t notice anything/anyone saying anything, but started to gently get hard so I’d stop and could see my penis slowly getting soft again.
Said couldn’t get it hard
This was a very interesting exercise. The inner critic did try to creep in, but I was so focused on looking at my penis and trying to get to know it in a different way that I was fairly relaxed. I even thought it was like watching a caterpillar crawl at points when it would start wanting to get hard which was funny. I can see how this can calm you in the moment to help get you back in the swing of things. Will be using this exercise regularly.
The critic said why is this notvworking. Why aren’t you hard enough. Why do you bounce from hard to soft.
My inner critic started to project what it thought the purpose of my penis is during this exercise. Thinking of partners whom I ought to be able to satisfy… to perform for. It seems very dog and master in the relationship setting. I think I’d like to be more of a friend than a master with my penis
My inner critic tried to point out shortcomings like scars or bumps or extra hair, so I spike out loud and defended it, saying I was proud of it and that it may not be perfect but it’s Mike and I love it
It wasn’t so much that the inner critic said anything specific, but I did kind of flash back to other times that I’ve struggled and it kind of existed as this negative cloud over my brain.
Felt like if I were as healthy sexually as I was a few years ago it would have been hard within a minute of doing this, and now it was just flat and unresponsive
If there was a sensation I enjoyed it would immediately jump out and say, “you better not enjoy that!” Again I struggle with premature ejaculation so I don’t know if I’m even supposed to be here.
Any sort of enjoyment or stimulation is riddled with shame and fear
Wondering why I’m not the guy who could get hard instantly. Wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Taking me back to experiences I had with guys in past when couldn’t stay hard. Gave similar sensation of feeling icky and shameful and not wanting them or me to touch my soft penis. Looking at it made me think about how weird it looks and my thoughts that it would look a lot better hard. Feelings of guilt of touching soft penis back as a child.