Hey guys
I’m 24 and lately I’ve been struggling a lot with my lack of sexual desire. It’s not that I don’t want intimacy — I do — but when it comes to actual sexual desire or the thought of having sex, I just feel numb or disconnected. I want to want sex, but I can’t seem to feel that spark anymore, and it’s really getting me down.
A few months ago, I was seeing someone and it was the first time I ever had someone that felt serious, and it felt like a genuine connection. But we couldn’t have sex because of my ed — we tried a few times, and it just didn’t happen. I’m almost certain that was a big reason why she ended things, and that’s really messed with my head since. I can’t stop thinking that if I’d been able to perform, maybe we’d still be together.
For context, I was around three months clean from porn before recently relapsing. I’m trying to stay away from it because I know it’s made things worse over time. I don’t even reach for porn out of horniness it just comforts me when I feel depressed or frustrated, I want to rebuild my attraction and be able to connect physically with real partners, but right now I honestly feel broken
If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to rebuild desire and confidence, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I want to get better, and I don’t want this to keep defining me.
I think that number, disconnected feeling and lack of sexual desire could be related to feeling sad about your recent breakup. That’s pretty normal to feel lack of desire when going through that. I had a friend also say they felt numb sexually after a big breakup. I think do your best to deal with and move through your sadness, though that takes time. Stay active, see friends and family, do little things that give you joy. Don’t focus on how much sexual desire you have. I think that will start to come back as you recover. And also you should know how you’re feeling about this breakup is totally normal, everyone goes through this, and though it may not seem like it now, it does get better. Wishing you the best bro
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Thanks man, I really appreciate your message. You’re right — even though it’s been about two months since the breakup, I can definitely see how it’s still affecting me emotionally.
That said, I also feel like this issue started even before the breakup. I wasn’t as aroused as I wanted to be back then, and that led to ED, which I think played a big part in things falling apart.
I know she’s not coming back, and I do want to move on — but it’s tough. Like a lot of guys, I’m not exactly getting much attention from women, and with my confidence about sex being at rock bottom, it just feels like I’m stuck in a loop. I’m trying to focus on getting better and building myself back up, but it’s hard not to feel defeated sometimes.
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You’re totally not alone. I feel that way all the time. You are so fine, if it helps to here. I recently had a friend tell me it’s totally normal to go to a cafe and study because it’s chaotic in the home. I felt so alone. Like I was the only one in the world with a crazy home. You’re not alone. People have felt this way before. You’re not alone in your feeling.
Yup 2 months isn’t always that long when you really liked someone. Don’t put a timer on it, go through your feelings then build back up. I know what you mean, when your confidence is down already it’s hard to build back because the negative feeds the negative. Use the exercises on here to combat the negative thoughts, a lot of it is in our head. But honestly everything you’re describing sounds normal. Hang in there.
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