I (32m) have had on and off erection problems for quite some time. I have been together with my wife (31f) for almost 10 years. Erection problems have become much worse in the past few months, which is why I have stopped using pornography. I now mostly rely on either erotica and sexual pictures/videos of my wife. I am basically trying “engineer” my arousal towards her. However, now I am wondering if this is a good idea, since it seems like I am putting too much pressure on myself even during masturbation. Sometimes I look at the pictures of her and can’t get hard and that feels horrible, I then end up jerking to some erotica and feel even more like complet shit afterwards. Of course I have trouble getting hard when we are intimate and I am now focusing entirely on pleasuring her. But this leaves me somewhat sexually frustrated, since I don’t orgasm.
Furthermore, since I stopped using pornography my desire to masturbate has increased a lot. I struggle to keep it at once a day and fail most of the time, sometimes doing it 3-4 times a day.
For those guys who are in a long term relationship, what is your strategy for staying attracted to your partner?
Is there a best way to use masturbation, in terms of frequency and using fantasy/erotica/porn or what works best for you?
Also, is erotica (or erotic audio) really better than porn?
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On the erotic audio aspect, I like it a lot. I am able to visualize my wife while listening and that helps “engineer” my fantasies towards being focused on her. Have you tried not masturbating for a week or so then trying to have sex with your wife. When I was having the most trouble and when I’m feeling like I’m going down that path again I lay off any masturbating for a week or so and listen to audios and fantasies a lot to work myself up into a frenzy. Hope this helps
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Thanks for your comments 
The thing is, I can’t even stick to limiting masturbation to once a day, so I want to try achieving this first. I think sticking to the erotic audio on this app while thinking of my wife is good path forward for now.
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The audio is better than visual porn because that stuff overstimulates our brain. At least for me, these patterns of porn and thoughtless masturbation made it where I was losing connections between my body, physical sensations, and being aroused by what was happening in the moment in real life. I’ve had success quitting porn altogether and actually avoiding any kind of fantasy, instead focusing on sensations, what I want, what pleases me. I realized I had gotten myself to a point where I wasn’t physically feeling much at all and wasn’t getting turned on without over the top stimulation. Freaked me out.
Masturbating in a less compulsive way is definitely a good thing. I can’t comment on how frequent but several times a day makes me think it may be less about horniness and more about self-medicating stress or anxiety. Everyone is different so just experiment to see if different habits work for you or not.
As far as attraction to your wife you’d be amazed how a lot of that has to do with connection and intimacy. But if you’re challenging yourself by looking at a picture of her and then freaking out by not getting hard, you’re setting yourself up for failure and a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s all trial and error. Be good to yourself and hang in there!
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