ED due to programmed routine for sex. How to overcome?

I am 41 and i have always avoided penetrative sex. It all started when i caught an STI when i was 27. I went through a trauma of needing to wait to test for HIV as well. Eventually my STI was cured with medication and HIV teat came back negative after 3 and 6 months.
Since then, i have always only had what i call “light sex”. Everything except penetration. I realised recently how mucb i am losing out and decided to puah ahead with sex using condoms (i know its embarassing - i should have done this a long time ago).
However, everytime i put on a condom now my erection immediately drops and i cannot get hard again.

My mind has been programmed for almost 15 years to not penetrate. Can i change this? I truly want to enjoy sex just like everyone else. This is really making me depressed.

I wonder, are you using condoms with a regular partner or for casual encounters.

I, and a lot of others I’d wager, have this issue of losing and erection after putting a condom on. With my regular partner, who I’m fluid bonded with, I’ll penetrate and go for a while then unwrap the condom while I’m in the act, pull out for 30 seconds while I put the condom on, then resume. We only use condoms because it makes sex cleaner. We don’t always.

We have an open relationship so if I’m having sex with a new, casual, partner then I have the same problem as you. Perhaps continuing foreplay after you’ve put the condom on might work.

It’s a work in progress.