Anxiety from not pleasing my partner

I’m very much a giver in the bedroom, I derive my pleasure by seeing my partner’s pleasure.
Lately I feel like I haven’t been able to please her right, and the odd criticism plummets my confidence, causing me to perform worse. It’s a negative feedback loop and makes me reluctant to even initiate sex lately.
Why do I elevate my partner’s pleasure and desires above my own?
How do I separate my own pleasure from my partner’s?
How do I take the pressure off and make sex fun and and less goal-oriented? My partner is very orgasm focused - I have spoken with her about this but she didn’t understand me well.


I’m pretty much the same as you. A giver, I feed off pleasing my partner, and about a month ago, we had sex twice and I came relatively quickly, leaving her upset that she did not cum. It became this loop in my head, unable to perform. From my understanding on the app, and sitting down with my partner, I’m trying to develop a zero expectation with sex. It’s not about the finish or climax, but rather everything leading up to it. I try to build up as much pleasure and frustration through foreplay, and try to get her off before any piv, which has taken off a massive weight off my shoulders, which is funny because I perform way better then too.

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