Married for 6 years, wife has had chronic health issues that impacted her libido and self esteem then ED started right as she was beginning to feel better. Seems that our biggest issue is less the ED itself and more about how I respond when it happens (going inward vs taking care of her emotions first) and as I am working through my own issues. She spirals in her self doubt and anger over the situation most nights and we just rehash the same conversation. I feel like if I could be better at reassuring her that I still want her and that we are going to be ok in the long run then it might break through her thought patterns. Any advice?
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I watched the activity here on simmering, have you seen it? It’s kind of low level flirting. It helps to change the mood from friends to lovers. But my wife and I also found it reassuring.
My wife and I took a bigger leap to make sure she felt, and is, desirable and desired. But not without risk and complication.
Good luck to you both.
Try learning about (and, even better, talking to her about) sex things that don’t involve your penis. You don’t need a boner to use your hands or your mouth. If she’s up for that, you can go at it with all the enthusiasm she needs to feel reassured, and you might benefit from taking the focus away from your penis too