I am 30, and have had about 20 chances to have sex in my life - all of which failed. I have only successfully finished on foreplay once to a girl I was 5 months into a relationship with.
This issue started when I was 17ish? I was not able to finish with my high-school crush of 4 years. We tried having sex 3 times and I could never. She still hits me up and wants to hang out, but I’m just very hesitant over stuff that happened years ago.
First time I masturbated was at 18, and I was never an addict until covid (currently trying to change). The thing is, these issues persisted even before I ever touched myself and when I was actively playing 2 sports - so porn addiction and athleticism were not the cause.
I hid these issues through my 20s by being good at giving and acting like I’m simply selfless when casually hooking up.
Eventually they beg to return the favor. I instantly get anxious and everytime they can read it right away. The thing is, EVERY girl has been overwhelmingly supportive with my problem to the point they try helping multiple times (most times with no condom). This is why I’ve had so many chances while still a virgin. We stop when a) they get a boyfriend or b) I get embarassed and disappear.
I bring that up to point out that pressure was NEVER the issue. All girls went out of their way to make sure I was comfortable.
At some point, I tried experimenting to see if I were gay because it was the only logical answer I could come up with - but I can speak from experience now to say I am not gay.
I’m only 5 inches, and I know that is average and no girl actually cares about size past 4 or so inches (unless they’re a size queen), but for some reason it absolutely haunts me.
I’ve been complimented on it multiple times. It doesn’t change the fact that I am so full of shame about it.
What can I possibly do? Where do I start?When I go to my doctor, they simply tell me it’s not a mental issue and that I need to stop smoking weed.